In-Between Feelings
Health and Wellness

In-Between Feelings

What if I just jumped?

304
Blogspot

This summer, I went to the Royal Gorge with my dad. Now, when visiting the Royal Gorge, in order to get from one side of the canyon to the other, you have to travel in this very precarious-looking tram across the gaping gash in the Earth’s skin. Only one relatively thin cable held us above this gigantic valley, and all I could think about was how hanging precariously in this rectangular box, flirting with death, was like how it felt to look at the range of emotional possibilities, and consider engaging with them.

I realized a couple of days ago that people are very good at expressing emotions, but only when they’re experiencing one emotion at a time. Obviously, it’s much easier to express how you feel when there’s a concrete English word in the dictionary to package that feeling into. In fact, most people wait to say how they feel until they cross that canyon of uncertainty into a realm of absolute emotional clarity. People don’t say, “I’m incredibly angry, but also, at the same time, hopeful and happy.” There aren’t moments of expression in the times when emotions are undefined, and instead people hesitate until they can pick an emotion and commit to it. You have to figure out how you feel for sure before anyone hears anything about it. But, the more I think about it, that might not be the most present way to experience life. The in-between feelings are the most poignant moments, the most formative moments, the ones that don’t fit into a perfectly descriptive adjective.

In-between moments are like when you’re about to leave the state and town you've lived in for a long time, and being sad that you’re no longer living at home and a kid, but not wanting to stay either. The feeling isn’t bittersweet; it’s something deeper, more catalytic. It’s being happy that one of your best friends is achieving good things and doing what’s healthy for her, but yet being incredibly sad because it means you won’t see her every day. It’s the feeling of knowing you could slip very easily from your carefully constructed ledge of logic and sensibility into love, but holding yourself back and simply peeking over the edge into the abyss. It’s being so angry that every cell in your body is shaking, yet still understanding and trying to sympathize. It’s being able to simultaneously be filled with desperate loneliness and aching, yet still being able to reach out in worship week after week after week. It’s trying to stay strong, but feeling the edges of your very being start to crumble and fall away as the waves of fear lap at your toes. It’s letting yourself forgive and prying open the steel doors of your heart while being very aware of the enemy lurking just out of sight around the corner. It’s peering between the slats in the bottom of the bridge above the towering canyon, looking into the river of crazy and beautiful and painful and sometimes impossible emotions, and wondering… what if I just… jumped?

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Disney Plus

Millions of musical-lovers around the world rejoiced when "Hamilton," the hip-hop-mixtape-turned-musical harder to get in to than Studio 54, came to Disney Plus.

For those who had the luxury of being able to watch it in person and rewatch it with us mere mortals on our screens, the experience was almost as gripping as sitting feet from Lin-Manuel Miranda himself. From the stunning sets, graceful choreography, witty dialogue, and hauntingly beautiful singing, the experience was one even my musical-averse family felt moved by.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

We Asked You How You Felt About Resuming 'Normal' Activities, And Some Of Your Answers Shocked Us

The New York Times asked 511 epidemiologists when they'd feel comfortable doing "normal" activities again, considering COVID-19. We asked our peers the same thing, for science.

Last month, the New York Times surveyed about 500 epidemiologists asking about their comfort level with certain activities once deemed normal — socializing with friends, going to the doctor, bringing in the mail. That's all well and good for the experts, but they are a very niche group, not the majority of the population. What do "normal" people feel safe doing? In certain states, we've seen how comfortable everyone is with everything (looking at you, Florida), but we wanted to know where Odyssey's readers fell on the comfort scale. Are they sticking with the epidemiologists who won't be attending a wedding for another year, or are they storming the sunny beaches as soon as possible?

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Keto Is All Fun And Games Until You're Undernourished And Almost Pass Out

Keto is just another extension of diet culture that boasts rapid weight loss, but at a steep price.

Photo by LOGAN WEAVER on Unsplash

There has been a Keto diet craze going around in the past couple of years, with many of its followers claiming significant weight loss. With any new, trendy diet claiming miraculous weight-loss, one starts to wonder what exactly is happening behind the curtain. The keto, or ketogenic, diet is a very low-carb, high-fat diet that claims to help the body shift its fuel source from carbs to fat. In the medical community it has been prescribed to patients with uncontrolled epilepsy to reduce the frequency of seizures, but other than that there is little conclusive evidence to other potential benefits.

Keep Reading... Show less

Jennifer Kustanovich is not only the president of the Odyssey at Stony Brook University but is also an illuminating yoga instructor. She's an inspiring proactive leader in the wellness industry. Her expertise in movement expands onto Zumba and high-intensity interval training (HIIT).

On the last day of her in-person class, she gave everyone a way of contacting her and made sure to check up on all her clients. She wanted to ensure that they were doing okay and to remind them that she is always there.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

These 5 Black Female-Owned Swimwear Brands Are Must-Haves For Your HOTTEST Summer Yet

To all the woman who put their money where their mouth is, lets do two things for the price of one.

The start of summer is always exciting,(especially after an unprecedented pandemic) and people are itching to make this particular summer count. Correction: with the amount gratefulness I have for life at this moment in time I am itching to make this summer count.

But at the same time, in the midst of social justice issues, activism is something that is at the forefront of many people's minds, including mine. With money comes power and buying Black is a way to directly help the marginalized and oppressed while getting something in return.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

These Are The Black-Owned Restaurants In Chicago You Should Absolutely Be Supporting

Support the movement and your appetite at the same time with these amazing spots.


The Black Lives Matter movement is taking the country by storm to crash down systematic racism and liberate people of color. However, during these changing it can be hard to determine what you can do to make an impact besides reposting Instagram stories and texting petition numbers. Instead, support Black-owned businesses or, more specifically, Black-owned restaurants. Here are some outstanding and underrated Black-owned restaurants in Chicago that can help you support the movement.
Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

10 Things To Know About LDRs, From A Couple Separated By The Atlantic Ocean AND A Pandemic

There will be challenges, but more often than not, it's worth it.

Most individuals in relationships have not been able to go on romantic dates in quite a while due to business closures in the wake of the pandemic. Other couples have encountered challenges while seeing each other face to face in the past three months due to coronavirus regulations. Long-distance relationships have unfortunately become a reality for many in this era of global health crises. Western New York native and travel journalist, Chelsea Baron, knows this all too well.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments