I Do Not Want Kids, and That Is Okay

I Do Not Want Kids, and That Is Okay

Some people are not meant to be mothers.
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In Kate Chopin's acclaimed 1899 novel The Awakening, she talks about how Edna, the fierce main character, is not a "mother woman." Basically, these were women who doted on their children and were essentially obsessed with their motherly roles. When I was reading it, I could not help but think: am I meant to be a mother? (Bonus points if you read that in Carrie Bradshaw's voice.)

I have known for a very long time that kids were not on the radar for me. What has been part of the internal struggle is dealing with what society thinks. Honestly, at this rate, screw it. I am definitely not the "typical woman" and I am far from your "typical" southern woman. I have been rebelling against social norms since before I could remember, and it has taken me a long time to be proud of it.

Some people are meant to be mothers, and I know so many women that make amazing ones. That's not to say that I hate the idea of motherhood as a whole, I just don't think that I am the right woman to do it. People have said to me, "your opinions will change when you meet the right one," among other things. While I believe in fate and finding "the one," I also believe in looking at reality and my reality does not have kids in it.

I realized, especially in college, that I want to live what many would consider a selfish life. I want to travel, establish myself as a teacher, politician, or activist. If I am lucky, I will get to be a combination of both. I know that children would put a significantly different route on the GPS if I did that. It sounds sad, but we are living an age where women are fighting for fundamental rights. Now, we need a leader, and I am called to do so.

With my anti children stance, the people reading this may ask "but like, every woman wants to be a mother." Actually, we can look directly at Hollywood for multiple examples of that. I know, Hollywood is far from reality. Donald Trump would refer to many of the stars as fake, like Fake News. However, celebrities like Chelsea Handler are open about not wishing to fill that role. It's honestly inspiring to me that in a world where people can be so judgmental about so many things, that she chooses to speak out.

Like I said previously, I am overjoyed that many women choose to experience their personal joy as mothers. I know and hope that women who do choose this path choose it for a reason. As a feminist, I choose to respect all women and what they do and believe, and I am not trying to judge other women. For me, it is about my beliefs and my reality. Needless to say, I am proud of it. Although I will not give my parents grandchildren, I will give them and the world a lot to be proud of.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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What Rescuing a Dog Taught Me About My Future

She was a real pain to begin with, but I wouldn't give her up for the world now.

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My first dog came from a breeder to us when he was just a puppy. I was in third grade so we were both young together. I remember stepping off of the bus and seeing him curled up in my mom's arms. His breed, a Cavalier King Charles, is a highly sought after dog for their small size and beautiful markings. However, dog breeding can lead to medical complications down the line. Heart murmurs are very frequent as cavaliers get older. When he turned 9 years old, they were already detecting the beginning of a heart murmur in him. But my second dog didn't come to us in quite the same way.

Willow was about a year old. She was rescued from an abusive home where she had to fight for her food from many other dogs. This made her guard resources and distrustful of us. My mom and I begged the rest of our family for the ability to adopt her, and they finally agreed. Being not potty trained, we had to teach her with a lot of positive encouragement when she went pee in the right place (not our carpet). It took her a while to realize that we weren't going to take her food away and she gradually became less resource guarding. She started to trust my other dog more and play with him. A lot of the time, they even snuggle together now.

At the time, I was in my junior year of high school and still thinking about the idea of becoming a veterinarian. She helped me decide to go for it, and now I'm in college and getting ready to apply for veterinary school. Willow has become part of our family, and her funny and unique personality fit right in with us.

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