Dear God:

I am a very selfish person. Maybe I'm over exaggerating because after all, we are our own worst critic.

I understand that we have to be at least a little bit selfish. We have things that must be completed on a daily basis. As a college student, I need to make sure that I get my homework done, pass my classes, and eventually get my degree (May 2017, here I come). As a college student, I know that I need to take care of myself. I need to make sure that I am getting enough sleep, working out on a regular basis, and eating a well-balanced diet.

Maybe I have let events that I have experienced influence me in negative ways. These events might have hardened my heart and soul. Maybe I let my very first boyfriend from two years ago who I thought was a Prince Charming but actually was a FRAUD (he was a player and unfortunately still is) harden my heart. Let's be honest, his selfish actions have prevented me from easily trusting people. Maybe I am selfish because I am afraid that I will be walked all over by other people. One of my friends who is an Army veteran told me that I am an angry person sometimes. He said that was a good thing because it would make others think twice before they thought about messing around with me. But the truth is, I do not want to seem like an angry person. I want to be that person that others can open up to and feel welcome and loved in my presence. Not someone who seems hostile and cold to the world around her.

Maybe it is because I have been a single lady for so long. Being single does have its perks after all: it's all about me, right? I can treat myself whenever I want.

My childhood was far from perfect but I admit that it was definitely more ideal than a few other people that I know and have known personally. I grew up in a middle class family where my father brought home the bread and most of the time, my mother did not really have to work a full-time job. I have never experienced hunger: we always could afford to eat three meals each and every day. My mother did take some part time jobs such as teaching a Japanese class in the evenings at the local college or subbing at the local elementary school. I had a father figure (that is something that many children could only wish for). My middle sister and I attended the best school in Laredo, TX and received a stellar education although my parents struggled to pay for the tuition. For three years, we struggled to find an affordable house to live in. Instead, we had to live in a cramped apartment where we could hear the neighbors walking about upstairs (more like stomping), college students throwing parties every weekend night, and the fire alarms going off in the wee hours of the morning. However, at least we had a roof over our heads, could swim at the apartment pool during the summer, and could go to my father's school (which was just around the corner) to listen to concerts.

And even though I was constantly bullied and faced racism (as a Japanese American) especially during fourth through eighth grade, I at least had supportive adult figures at school whom I could confide in. I know for a fact that many other children are not as fortunate. Unfortunately, some of these children commit suicide and some never are taken seriously by their school administrators.

I know for a fact that I am not who I was last year. I'm older, I'm at least a tiny bit wiser, and I'm stronger than I was. I have made new mistakes and have learned some important lessons. I have made new friends and I have lost some friends. I know for a fact that I sometimes have to lose some things in order to gain some things.

About two months ago, I was attending the U.S. Marine Corps Birthday Cake Cutting Ceremony that my university was hosting. I befriended one of the color guard members immediately after the ceremony had concluded.

Looking back on our close friendship, I have realized that I am a very self-centered individual. I have definitely neglected to listen more than speak. I have taken more than I have given. And that is something that I need to improve.

One night, I was stressed out and told my friend that he was a distraction in my life. I was not doing well in a few of my classes, my anxiety levels were at an all-time high, and I had final exams that I had to take in a few days. My friend was not doing well either. His NCOs had gotten in trouble with his superiors and the blame eventually fell on the junior officers (him and his fellow lance corporals). I was angry because I thought I was not getting enough attention from him when I should have taken a step back and seen it from his point of view. I was also letting my family's viewpoints about this young man influence what I said as well. I know that I cannot change some of my family members biased viewpoints about young, African American men in general, but I know I can control what I say to others. As a Marine, he is very busy young man. He has his obligations to fulfill on a daily basis and life is not easy. As a college student, the stress and the pressure that I face on a daily basis will never be as overwhelming as he faces. I don't have to face field day, special inspections, wake up ridiculously early on weekdays, or qualify every few months on rifle marksmanship or the CFT.

This friend of mine had to quit sports and band in order to support his family by working at Pizza Hut. He never had the opportunity to see his father and most likely never will. Growing up in a neighborhood with children who did have both parents present at all times made me never think of the implications of not having the man of the household present. I knew that was actually a terrible truth for some children, but it has never emotionally impacted me until now. Now that I know personally of someone does not have a real father, it makes me feel so blessed to know and love my father. From now on, I will definitely never take having a father for granted. I honestly do not know how I would survive if I couldn't Facebook message, Skype, see my father at least a couple times a month during football games and Wind Symphony concerts, and at home chilling out during school holidays.

His U.S. Marine dress blues do not show this fact whatsoever. His dress blues symbolize that hard work does pay off. That those blood, sweat, and tears are worth it. Those twelve long weeks getting screamed at by drill instructors: worth it. That 54 hour journey to hell and back (The Crucible): worth it. That he has never given anything less than his best. They show a young man who is going to be better than his father before him. They show a gentleman and a class act that all of our youth should aspire to become. Forget all those stupid challenges started on social media. My challenge to all young people is simple: graduate from high school, stay out of jail, and serve your country and your community. Unfortunately, I know that is easier said than done though.

Change is not easy, but I know it will be worth it. I would like to become a woman who thinks more about others. So help me God.

-Amen