I decided to go to Hunter College on a whim. Among the other schools I had chosen, one was deemed far too sciencey, one was far too easy, and the other was far too feigning-a-liberal-agenda-in-hopes-of-taking-your-money. I got back my overwhelming scholarship and financial aid packets from these schools, and I looked them in the face and said, "All this and I still have to pay this? Something doesn't add up." Then, only moments before I had nearly chosen my fate as a Wagner College Seahawk, in popped a poorly designed, pixelated email, stating "Congrats! You've made it into Hunter College! View your financial aid HERE."

Had I not already gone through a couple other dated web programs with Hunter College, I would have most certainly thought the whole thing was a scam whereby my tuition money was flown over to that ever elusive "Saudi Arabian prince" who needs help saving his country and will "make me rich." While it did go to Hunter College, there was a similar risk presented when I locked myself into a university; a risk presented to most paying college students, which begs the question "Is this really going to be worth it in the end?"

I spend a lot of time studying the alumni of colleges. Mostly, because one day I am praying I will find some incredible writer that I love oh-so much and I'll look under their education and in bold Arial font the hyperlink will read Hunter College. Such is usually not the case, but I would say a similar issue is present among most colleges. Because when it comes down to it, aside from the ivy leagues, there are a great deal of incredible thinkers and writers and actors and singers that never once had to step foot on a college campus. That's not to say all of them were high school dropouts, but the amount of college dropouts and "got a job as a _____ right after high school" celebrities often leaves me in a tizzy.

Especially as someone entering the field of art, of free-thinking and expression that often times can't be learned, it can be somewhat disheartening to read that so many great people didn't need to further their education to get where I'm hoping to go. Is all my hard work, my countless hours of studying and working to buy books that I touch once, maybe twice, all going to be worth little in the end? If I put my mind to it, could I produce now what I one day hope to produce in the future? It's hard to say with certainty.

I took a creative writing class last semester, and while I learned a good deal about poetry and structure and function of sentences and dialogue, I wondered if, had I simply googled what a sestina was or how to structure dialogue within a story (something which I am still slightly hazy on), could I have figured it out without paying my school for x amount of credits? However, I think there's something to be said about that class, and most college classes, which is that had there not been that monetary amount per credit dangling over my head, the deadline to graduate and the desire to finish up schooling far enough away that it's out of reach but still close enough to smell it, I probably never would have tried to learn how to write a sestina. Same goes for most classes, without the desire to get out of school, the desire to learn becomes lesser.

I love learning, but the amount of information that one receives on a semester-to-semester basis is far more than I would ever be able to independently feed myself. It can become so easy, when you're living without education, to shy from self-teaching. There were people that could do it, sure, and there are people that took what they learned in their first three semesters of college and said, "I can take this from here, thanks!" But it's impossible to say that every college student has that capacity, and I know that I most certainly don't and probably never will. I've reread the 6th chapter of the novel that I'm on somewhere close to five times because every time I start it I end up getting sidetracked, and if there's not a lesson to be learned from that on why I should stay in school, then I don't know what is.

At times it seems unnecessary, I'm sure most students feel this way. It's easy to look college in the eyes and say, "You need me, but I don't need you." In some ways, that's true, as we can all see that tuition is the lifeblood that fuels the pockets of the college higher-ups. But in the same respect, if you go into college thinking of yourself as nothing more than a hamster on a wheel charging someone else's light, then you'll never find your own reason to work. College is about working for yourself, about taking risks and learning new things and hoping that even if the second you walk out those doors there's not 10,000 jobs awaiting you, there will at least be a sense of pride in that you did it, and you worked hard, and you learned.