Is Friendship The Most Important Type Of Love?

Is Friendship The Most Important Type Of Love?

It's always said that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
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My theology teacher once explained to my class the four types of love, according to C.S. Lewis: agape, storge, eros and philia.

Agape is described as the love that is unselfish, unreserved, unconditional. It is willing the good of another; it is self-sacrificial. Agape is the love that one might feel for one’s God or one’s children.

The second type of love, storge, is the love one feels for his country, or for his favorite novel, and or for a really delicious slice of pizza. It is affectionate love and doesn’t delve much deeper than that.

Another type of love is eros, the love of romance — the passion felt within a couple. It is an intimate love, the pull between two people that causes a desire for an amorous relationship.

The last love my teacher described to us is philia. This love is the love that one friend feels for another friend. It is felt and expressed between two people who call themselves equals, two people who enjoy each other’s presences.

This teacher continued to refer to philia as the chosen love, the most unnatural of the four. He did not mean that it is unnatural to have friends or to know people on a platonic level, only that the bond between two companions is the only bond of the four that is hand-picked. But does this choice, this decision to love someone in this way, make it less important than any of the other loves?

Surely not. After all, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” We are born into families, and maybe a love arises within that family. It is beautiful when such a love exists, but it doesn’t have to. There’s no requirement that two brothers love each other or care about each other. It is not always inevitable that a mother and child get along. Many people find themselves leaving home when they turn 18, never to return. Those individuals must find a new family, a new covenant with a stronger foundation, a bond thicker than that of bloodlines.

Philia, when perfected, may be stronger than any love we know. The love between friends might develop into that sacrificial “agape” love. There will come a day when you are on the ground, and it is your friends who pick you up — a moment when you call for help, and your friends come running. There will come an instant where you’re the happiest you’ve ever been and your cheeks hurt from smiling and this chosen love between friends is the most perfect love and couldn’t be traded for anything in the world.

So maybe my theology teacher was right — there’s nothing natural about the love that requires looking at someone and saying, “Hey. I like this person. I hope he likes me too and will be there for me when I need him.”

At the same time, there’s something so natural about discussing the point of life at one in the morning while lying on your best friend’s basement floor. There’s something so right about sitting in a room with someone whilst you two do completely different things, only speaking to discuss a joke you thought of when looking at your math book but feeling perfectly comfortable in the silence that rests between you two. Do those blissful seconds of unbridled happiness with your friends, your acquaintances, those whom you have chosen to love, make it the strongest love of the four? I can’t know for sure, and my theology teacher might not think so. Philia is a love that many don’t consider the be-all and end-all of human existence. And yes, maybe we do not need such a love to live, but it is a love that I do not wish to live without.

Cover Image Credit: The Huffington Post

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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How Incorporating Organization In My Daily Routine Single-Handedly Changed My Life

And how it can structure yours.

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It would be a complete fabrication of the truth if I pretended that my life in any way has been picture perfect. Things are messy, life is messy, and my life becomes an endless cycle of self provoked destruction.

I've had short bursts of motivation as a last expedient to seize control of the downward spiral I have endured. But mostly they have diminished along with any motivation I have left.

None of these short term solutions have yet to salvage my mental, physical, and academic state. SO, as an attempt to overhaul my life, I decided the best way to strive for control, is to organize every aspect of my life.

Yes, this could become unhealthy if I used this tactic as a way to tear myself down or over analyze my accomplishments, or lack thereof. But I try to view my life as something I have a say in while considering that not everything will be perfect or completely satisfy my goals for myself.

To successfully enact this measure, I try to never go into a day unaware of what I must accomplish, what tasks/work I have to attend to, and stocked with a full calendar and set of alarms that prevent me from missing deadlines. Although mildly time-consuming to detail my life in advance, it is greatly beneficially outweighed through the amount of time this tactic saves me.

Recently, I have noticed how much happier I have been, and feel as if my life is back on track and it's future in my hands. This has allowed me to work an upwards of 50 something hours a week, see and manage friends, read and keep up with hobbies, as well as give me peace of mind and time to relax with loved ones.

I am grateful for the role that organization has played in my life and suggest that everyone incorporate some type of underlying structure in their lives, to realize that anything is achievable with proper organizational preparation.


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