From Disney movies to Nicholas Sparks novels, both children and adults are constantly given a false sense of what real-life relationships and the expectations we have of others should be like. The movies we watch and the books we read portray a fairytale ending, and at a young age we are allowed, and often encouraged, to believe that life really does work out like a movie. After all, who wants to tell a five-year-old that Prince Charming won’t search the entire city to return a shoe, just because he enjoyed the dance he shared with someone the night before? Yes, the innocent hope and belief in worldly good that we grow up with is absolutely beautiful and completely necessary to capture and enforce the beauty of what life has to offer, but the downside? It also creates unrealistic expectations as we mature and discover that contrary to what we are allowed to believe, life isn’t a fairy tale, and happiness doesn’t ride in on a white horse. Happiness comes from within, and learning that your happiness is your responsibility is one of the most difficult but also most important lessons anyone can learn in their lifetime.
As a newly graduated high school senior, it’s safe to say that although I made it through the first 18 years of my life (which most will tell you is the easiest part) successfully, I still have a lot to learn about the ways of the world. However, despite this lack of wisdom, I still managed to learn what I believe is one of the most valuable pieces of life advice, but much like nearly everyone else, I learned the hard way. Growing up, I always had strong expectations of what falling in love would be like, and the beauty that could be found within it. Because of these expectations, when I ended up in my first relationship as a high school junior, I naturally poured all of myself into that relationship, and became completely dependent on an 18-year-old boy to make me happy and give me self-worth. My complete dependence resulted in a devastating heartbreak a few months later, and my feeling that the entire world just collapsed right in front of my face is an emotion that nearly everyone over the age of about 16 can relate to way too well.
The pain of a first heartbreak is first the time in your life where the importance of making your happiness your responsibility becomes completely relevant. But unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to realize this on the first try, which creates a struggle they are liable to deal with until they learn this valuable lesson. The only way for us to become truly happy is when we don’t rely on outside sources to find such happiness. Instead, we find this happiness within ourselves, our goals, and who we are as people. You know that feeling you get, those butterflies in your stomach, and the nights when you laid on your bed and stared at the ceiling, questioning how it could be possible that you were that happy, when you’re in a relationship, and your significant other seems like a perfect match? As great as that feeling of happiness is, this feeling isn’t true happiness; it’s just the state of feeling happy. True happiness is a state of mind, whereas this feeling is just a temporary emotion, because if your significant other leaves, that feeling leaves with them. And when that feeling leaves, we are often left with that devastating, heartbreaking feeling, as if the world was at our feet, and it was suddenly, unexpectedly, and tragically ripped away from us.
When we create happiness within ourselves instead of allowing someone else to be the sole provider of it, this happiness isn’t something someone can readily take from you, because it depends on you. The emotion of “being happy” becomes your state of mind. When you place your happiness in the hands of yourself, (or something you are in control of), nobody can walk away and leave you breathless, confused, and destroyed because true happiness is a characteristic and a lifestyle, not just an emotion. Although you’ll still feel sad if a relationship ends, or happy when you feel like your significant other is a perfect match, your mental state won’t completely rely on such situations. Instead, these are feelings, which don’t completely alter your state of mind. Creating your own happiness allows for a sense of accomplishment, self-importance and self-worth because you give yourself the power to decide how you feel instead of giving that power to someone else.
When you create your own happiness, especially after being sad for a long period of time, you feel completely empowered. I’ll never forget the first really good day I had after being completely heartbroken over my first relationship ending. It included a celebratory hug from my sister in the middle of Whataburger at 1 a.m. on a summer night because I made it 48 hours without bursting into tears. And it only went up from there, because eventually, instead of “feeling happy,” I “became happy.” As the months passed, even when I watched my friends get in and out of relationships, I never felt the need to get into one unless I really liked the person, because for the first time I wasn’t looking for that happy emotion outside of myself, because I had found true happiness within myself, the activities I put myself in and the goals I set for myself. The happiness I found from these things was not only truer than what I had gotten from others in my past, but also more constant because it depended on me. My happiness became who I was, and not just how I felt. I chose if I had a good day or a bad day, and I chose how situations affected me, instead of letting someone else’s actions determine how I reacted. Of course, no matter how happy you become, there will always be days where you feel sad, but because you yourself become happy, sadness becomes just a feeling, while happiness is your lifestyle.
Making your happiness your responsibility is incredibly important because the only true happiness you can find is the kind that you create. The happiness you get from others is just merely a feeling, and as wonderful as that feeling is, it’s not something you can rely on day to day because you lack the control to make it permanent. Creating your happiness is a challenging process, but it’s also a process worth enduring because it’s the only way to become truly happy. By becoming happy, nothing can take away this happiness because it becomes a part of who you are, and even though situations will still affect you, nothing has the power to take "you" away from you, unless you let it.
