I have recently been thinking about my future. Not the little things, like what to eat for lunch (peanut butter and jelly sandwich) or how far to run today (four miles… better be five with that half marathon coming up…)—no, I’m talking about that thing we love to ponder as college students, that thing that scares us even when we say we’re ready for it: the real world. And why have I been considering it more than most as of late? That’s simple—I’m thinking of changing my major—again.
Let me revise that. I have only declared one major: English Education. But lately, I have been considering a very similar major, that of English. The reason I chose Education in the first place is really quite simple. To me, it seems a safe major. I feel confident I will be able to get a job after college with that major. When it comes to English, however, that confidence melts faster than ice cream on a hot summer day. The certainty of my future disappears, only to be replaced by a hesitance that comes with all indecision.
In all honesty, indecision isn’t all that different from standing on a ledge. Your toes can curl over the edge, getting a feel for that ledge, but you don’t know what the fall will feel like until you jump. And the waters below could be warm and inviting (a good decision) or cold and choppy (the wrong choice). The thing is, you’ll never know until you take that leap.
That moment of indecision is what sets each leap apart. If you are committed, what awaits you will only be half as bad as you think it to be. But if you are hesitant and unsure, you’re likely to perceive it as much worse than it actually is. I believe that’s why we all shy away from being indecisive. It feels much better to come to a conclusion and stick with it. When we go back on the plans we’ve made for ourselves, it makes us reevaluate more than what we want in life. We have to look at ourselves, because the person making this new decision has somehow changed from that person who made the initial choice.
After all, if we had no issues with plan A, we would never go to our plan B’s. So am I scared? Absolutely. Will I change my major? Probably. If I really want to teach so badly, I can always go back for my Masters in Education in a few years. But until then, why not live. As Margaret Shepard once said, “Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith.” I guess I need to take that leap in order to get to my next destination. And I would not have realized this fact unless I allowed myself to succumb to the feeling of indecisiveness.
