When I lose my patience with one thing, I lose it with everything. I take it out on everyone and everything without remembering what caused it in the first place. I lose my patience and distance people so I don’t take it out on them, but that leads to more frustration and anger with myself. I like to put patience in the same category as my feelings, but patience is so much more than an emotion, it’s a virtue. What’s a virtue? By definition, a virtue is the moral excellence of a person. Moral excellence is something everyone strives for, and I have realized that I am not only losing my patience, but I am also jeopardizing my moral well-being.
This semester has taken my patience from me completely. I have become impatient with my friends, family, life, and especially school. I’ve been taken over by this mindset that I can do anything, I can take care of myself, I don’t need help, and I don’t need to waste time investing in things that are so temporary, for example, my college experience. Toward the end of the semester, we all just want to be done and go home. We want to say that we completed another semester without reflecting on what we have learned and what we will take from another semester of college. The concern of crossing it off of the list and heading home for a month to let our brains rest and not be bothered has taken over our priorities. At the time we reach break and are supposed to be able to relax and do nothing, we are hit with the home guilt of helping around the house, getting a job, and entertaining people. When all we need is a break from it all, we just go from one chaos to another.
I know this is not what my break will consist of, and I know it will be wonderful, but right now I can’t see much farther than the impatience I have for everything. I’m impatient to finish school and move on with my life, to find a job, get married, have my own house, the list goes on of futuristic things that have disconnected me from what is happening in my life right now.
Right now, my life is awesome. I am at a great school, I am doing what I love, I have an amazing boyfriend, perfect friends, and a wonderful family. I am safe, I am healthy, I am loved, and I am alive, what more could someone want? Why am I wishing these days would move faster so I can skip into the future 5 years and be in what I think will be complete bliss, but in reality, will be a new chaos? I’m impatient. I am not ungrateful, trust me I thank God every day for what I have, but I am eager to get through this phase and move onto bigger and better things this world has to offer. When I get slowed down by people and events and school, I get frustrated, and the frustration leads to a total disconnect between me and all that is around me.
However, as I sit in a doctor’s office writing this right now, waiting for my 92-year-old best friend to get out of her appointment, I can’t help but look around and enjoy exactly where I am. I don’t need to rush where I am in life now, life moves quickly enough on its own. I can’t lose patience with people that care about me, I am fortunate to have them. I can’t wish my way through school because the perception that the busyness stops is a total lie. Life is crazy, life is busy, life is full.
One day I am going to be 92 riding to my doctor’s appointment with someone telling them that I miss the fullness of my house on Thanksgiving and the day-to-day rush of life. I will one day be bored with relaxation and wish for nothing more than to have a full schedule and an overwhelming amount of people to visit with. Life goes by pretty quickly when we stop and look around. Enjoy every single day for what it’s worth, connect with the people around you, and most importantly, be patient.
