I used to be so caught up in other people's thoughts and opinions about the things I would do or say. I wouldn't wear a certain outfit, sing a certain song or write about a certain topic because I was afraid of what others would think of me. How screwed up is that? I was holding back on my true self because it was what somebody else wanted.
When I think about it now, I realize how stupid that sounds. I didn't think at the time that I was holding back on becoming the person I was always meant to be - but in so many ways I was. We all do it. We all want to be accepted and loved by the majority.
In high school we would wear clothes we didn't like, or couldn't really afford, so we could "fit in". We listened to songs we didn't know the lyrical meanings of because it was what everyone else was listening to. We cut our hair, ripped our jeans and yelled at our mothers all for what? Fear of not being accepted.
We still do this as adults, in little ways. If you say you don't care about what others think of you, you're lying. We all do to some extent and we always will. It's human nature to want to fit in. But there is a fine line between wanting to fit in and letting others dictate your every move. That was something that took me a while to realize, but ever since I did my life has become so much better.
I don't know the exact moment I realized that I needed to start living for myself. It's not one of those things where you wake up and are like "Okay, today's the day I stop taking shit from everybody and decide what I want to do and when I want to do it." No, that's not how it works. In time, you just realize that the decisions you make for yourself are the ones that have made you the happiest.
For instance, when I first got my tattoos everyone asked me "Why that?" "What does that mean?" "You know that's going to be on your forever, right?" No shit, I got this tattoo thinking it would come off in a few weeks. I would feel so self conscious every time I wore a short sleeved shirt, so much so that I looked into getting some of them removed.
I shouldn't have felt like that all because of a few comments - because it was my body and I was the only one that needed to love those tattoos. The same goes for the songs or articles I write, I don't need people telling me what to and what not to write about. That's my decision and mine only.
I'm 21 now and I think I'm doing pretty well for myself. I didn't write this article to tell people to stop trying to tell me what to do, I wrote it because I want other people to start living for themselves. I never really realized how happy I was in my own skin until I sat down to write this. I don't feel as tied down or judged as I used to because I don't care what anyone thinks of me.
I live my life to please myself, which in the end usually pleases everyone else. You're going to be old and wrinkly one day and you're going to look back on your life and wish you had done so much more. Life is too short to live with regrets.
Get tattoos, write a song about your ex, hell, right a book about him. Wear that outfit you think no one will like -- I'm sure in a month it will become the newest trend. Life is all about taking risks, being happy and letting go. Stop thinking and just start living.
