I am the girl who “doesn’t do” love. It’s not like I have this terrible fear, I don’t, it’s just that I’ve never quite found that thing that everyone else does growing up. I “do” crushes. I do have feelings. I just don’t open myself up to the idea of relationships or love for just anybody.
I guess you could say I’ve been burned too many times, call it trust issues, I guess, hurt beyond belief in the past to the point where I just think, some girls “do” relationships, and I’m just probably not that girl. That doesn’t mean that I go out and hook up with whoever I want, it doesn’t mean I hate men, or that I’m just weird, or that I play hard-to-get, it’s just that I figure that whenever it happens, it’ll happen, and that’s OK.
You learn a lot about yourself when you’re alone, and I have learned a lot about myself throughout my life. I don’t like going to the movies, I’d rather save the $17 and watch a movie in my pajamas and eat food that’s not overpriced (but I do love slushies from the movies). I do like finding cool places to take pictures and exploring new things. I don’t like the pressure of having to get all dressed up to go somewhere, but I do like getting all dressed up just because I feel like it, not because I feel like I have to. I don’t like the idea of needing someone to be there. But I do like having someone there. I like going out with my friends and I want my future person to be able to go out with their friends, and I hope we have mutual friends that we can go out with together, but I also want time for just us. I also want time where I can be alone, though, too. I’m a very independent person but I love being around people too.
I'm an enigma. I'm "Bad At Love" and "Him And I" all at the same time. I relate to both of those songs at the same times because I am both of those feelings in one person. And I'm OK with that. As someone once said, "Girls who run with the wolves aren't here for boys to love" and I am that girl. I believe in self growth and personal reflection before diving into a relationship.
What I’m trying to say, is that I may not be the girl who has had a revolving door of boyfriends all her life or even a long-term relationship, but I’m just as content figuring out who I am and growing through that.
To the girl who has always had a boyfriend, that’s not bad either. You learn a lot about who you are when you’re with someone else. I just enjoy the individual personal growth.
To the girls out there who don’t “do” love, this is my letter to you that there’s nothing wrong with you. It doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of love or of being loved. It just means that you’re able to love and be independent as well. It means that you know what you want, whether it’s “high” expectations, or just basic things, and you’re not willing to settle. Your time will come. You’ll have your time to date all the wrong guys, and along the way, when you don’t even know it, you’ll find the right guy. But more importantly, in that journey, you’ll find yourself.
If you don’t “do” love, don’t worry. Don’t focus on who you’re dating or not dating, date yourself first. Know yourself first. You’ll be much stronger and more sure of who you are for when you do find yourself ready for a relationship, I promise.
