You know those people who apologize left and right for the smallest little things like it’s their job? That’s me. I say sorry a lot. And I mean A LOT. I say sorry so much that sometimes, I’m not even sure what I’m really apologizing for. And sometimes I have nothing to be sorry for. I’ll even apologize for apologizing so much. But I can’t help it, it’s the way my brain has wired itself. You see, growing up I would occasionally be blamed for things that I didn’t do, and then I convinced myself that somehow, someway, I had needed to be sorry. But that wasn’t the end of it.
There was a period of time in high school that I would sit at the lunch table and something would happen and then everyone would blame me for it. But most times, I had nothing to do with it, I was simply minding my own business and then out of the blue, fingers would be pointed at me. This didn't happen for a couple days or weeks, it went on for months. Maybe everyday, but at least two or three times a week. And of course it only went on for so long because I got so upset about it and they got a reaction out of me. That was until one day, where I didn't get frustrated, but I got mad.
The second it happened that day, I picked up my stuff, dumped all my food in the trash, and went to the locker room for the rest of the lunch period. All of my friends got worried after about ten minutes and finally one of them came and checked on me. She didn’t ask what was wrong, but she apologized. But the funny thing was, she wasn’t one of the ones who did the blaming, she was apologizing for other people’s behavior. Why? Because she’s my best friend, and one of the nicest people I know. You know who you are, and I thank you. But that still wasn’t the end of it.
I continue to blame myself for every little thing that causes conflict, frustration, or any kind of negative reaction from people. But, I’m working on not apologizing for things that I shouldn't be sorry for. It’s still a major work in progress but I’m working on it.
So, next time someone says sorry for a silly little thing, please don’t get mad at them or act like they’re ridiculous for apologizing, but tell them “no hard feelings,” or “no worries,” or kindly say “there’s no need to be sorry,” or something along those lines. There’s probably a reason they apologize so much, and they probably have a reason they’re like that.
This is by far the most personal article I’ve ever written and I hope some of you can relate.
