When I was in middle school, having a boyfriend was just about the only thing in the whole entire world that mattered. I covered my little diary pages with lovey-dovey doodles of hearts containing the name of whoever I had a crush on that week, wrote their name + my name 4ever, you know the drill. In high school, I graduated from the diary doodles and entered the dating world. I had crush after crush, a few dates here and there. But nobody ever stuck. At first, I thought it was me. I really, truly did. I thought I was too shy, too awkward, too this, that and the other thing. I had hundreds of guys to choose from, but somehow I was always alone.
And now I know that it's me. It's my choice. I realized that Taylor Swift was right when she sang, "In your life, you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team." There's an entire world out there. I want to see it. All of it. From Paris to Punta Gorda, Africa to Argentina. I want to explore places that maps don't even recognize. I want to experience culture first hand. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to take the road less traveled by.
It's my love for myself. If I put on makeup, it's for me. If I wear a nice outfit, it's for me. If I decide to do something different with my hair, guess what? It's still for me. And that's okay. It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to put yourself first. Before anyone else can love you, you need to love yourself. You need to respect your body, take pride in your personality, and trust your gut.
It's my high expectations that I'm not about to settle for. I mean, yeah, it would be nice just to have someone to cuddle, to kiss, to love. I've seen endless rom-coms, read plenty of romance novels, and seen enough love in the world around me to know exactly what I want. I want perfection. I want passion. I want pleasure. I want it all. I want someone to look at me the way Chuck looks at Blair. Someone who appreciates my humor, my quirks, my family. Someone who remembers little things, opens doors for me, lets me drive his truck. I want that fairytale love. The kind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
But I'm done searching for it. When it's meant to be, it will be. And until whenever that may be, I'll be here. Completely content with me, myself & I.
