With the start of school comes the school organization fairs, tons of new clubs to join and a million other opportunities to get involved on campus. In the past, I've had to avoid these fairs and all the tabling happening around campus because I have this inability to say no to people; I also have a deep-rooted issue with confrontation. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to disappoint or upset someone, so I've always said yes.
This year, I went to our student organization fair, and I'm now involved with ten different organizations on top of having my course load from the pursuit of a major and double-minor as well as working 15 hours a week. I am literally signing up to kill myself... If I were able to say the words, "No thank you, I'm not interested," I'd only really be involved with five organizations, and I'd be able to relax every now and then. I might actually be enjoying my college experience to the fullest extent as opposed to wishing I could just get off this dumb, vomit-inducing ride.
Not being able to say no has also gotten me in trouble in letting people walk all over me. Although I'm a loud and somewhat obnoxious person to be around, I'm not pushy or demanding - I fold faster than a cheap suit. I don't voice my opinion enough and I don't really stick up for myself.
For instance, I've always let people borrow my stuff without asking, I've never really set boundaries, and I've always been the first to volunteer when no one else wants to. And some people in my past have abused that, which has lead to some pretty nasty breakups (friend breakups included).
I'm tired of this self-effacing, over bearing sense of reticence, and ultimately, because I wish that I would have said no more often in my past, I've decided that with the remainder of this semester, I'm going to start saying no. If I'm uncomfortable with something, I'm going to make those around me aware of it and put a stop to it.
I'm not signing up for anything else, and I'll be dropping clubs I'm not actually interested in. I'm going to start spending more time with myself and develop a better relationship with "me" because I have to live with myself for the rest of my life.
Saying no shouldn't give you a bad rap. When I say no, I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful. I'm not trying to make your life more difficult.
I promise, I'm not trying to be self-centered or selfish and actually do care about you, but I'm simply trying to do what's best for me. I want to be able to have more energy, more time, more confidence, more control, more respect, and more fun. I need to start valuing my time - and if saying no to you makes me seem cold or bitchy then I'll just have to be okay with that for now.
