I'm obsessed with the person that I despise.

My current abuser.

Br*m*th*z*ne.

I still feel like I can't use their name.

But I think about them; what they may be doing, periodically throughout the day.

I'm jealous at the idea of them paying attention to someone else.

I still want them sexually.

After everything they've said about me. After everything they've done- and what they've taken.

I still want them to want, and care about me.

I still crave their attention.

And they know that.

And they use that.

I fantasize about what it'd be like to see them now.

I still want to see them now.

But my primary degree was in psychology, so I should know better than this.

I should know how to resist- how to alter this pattern of thinking...

But I still haven't even been able to figure out exactly what it is about me that facilitates it.

I feel like i'm failing myself.

This is different in real life than in study.

Isolation.

It's so hard to distract myself from thinking about them.

I feel like i'm stuck- right where they want me.

And finally, I need to say- I have to say, that I think your "twitter elite"- all of your favorite accounts, can be categorized in two ways: active abusers, and facilitators of abuse.

That's all that I have to say about that for now.

TTYl8r- Kip