I'm obsessed with the person that I despise.
My current abuser.
Br*m*th*z*ne.
I still feel like I can't use their name.
But I think about them; what they may be doing, periodically throughout the day.
I'm jealous at the idea of them paying attention to someone else.
I still want them sexually.
After everything they've said about me. After everything they've done- and what they've taken.
I still want them to want, and care about me.
I still crave their attention.
And they know that.
And they use that.
I fantasize about what it'd be like to see them now.
I still want to see them now.
But my primary degree was in psychology, so I should know better than this.
I should know how to resist- how to alter this pattern of thinking...
But I still haven't even been able to figure out exactly what it is about me that facilitates it.
I feel like i'm failing myself.
This is different in real life than in study.
Isolation.
It's so hard to distract myself from thinking about them.
I feel like i'm stuck- right where they want me.
And finally, I need to say- I have to say, that I think your "twitter elite"- all of your favorite accounts, can be categorized in two ways: active abusers, and facilitators of abuse.
That's all that I have to say about that for now.
TTYl8r- Kip