What in the hell was I thinking, graduating and all that? Left and right, I'm getting congratulations and excitement from others, but you know what I'm feeling? Terrified!
I can't be the only one here who is freaking out about being an actual adult, right? I mean, yes, I'm happy to be finished with my undergraduate studies. I am relieved that I will not have to write another research paper or take another exam for at least a little while (if I go on to graduate school). I am thankful to all of those who helped me along the way and those who are so quick to congratulate me now that it's over. But overall, I can only describe what I feel inside as sheer terror at the thought of having to be a functioning adult outside of the comfort of the residence halls of Cazenovia and the bank account of my parents!
And the worst of it? The constant question. You know the one I'm talking about, fellow grads. "What are you going to do now?" How the heck am I supposed to know? I haven't even gotten situated back at home yet. I don't have the money or the employment to move out of my parents house yet, so please don't ask. As stated, I do not have a real job yet either. I am getting settled back into my place at home, then going looking. I am not going to grad school this fall, and I may not get in next year either. At this point, I'm not even sure if I'm going to go yet. Maybe this isn't something you want to hear, but I'm tired of the look of disappointment or concern when my answer to this question is a simple shrug followed by the words, "I don't know."
I know that this is supposed to be an exciting time. And it is, when I am not scared out of my mind for what comes next. I can't speak for all of my fellow Class of 2016 grads, but I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. But here's the thing that most people are forgetting to tell us: It's OK not to know yet. We are young, with most of us falling between 21 and 23. As far as the world is concerned, we are babies! We have just exited the world of school and are finding ourselves in a whole new chapter of our lives. We don't need to know everything about everything we want to do forever, even if that is what we think we are being asked. We don't even have to use our degree if we find something completely unrelated that we never knew we were so passionate for. So, try not to panic. (That was advice as much as it was a personal reminder).
Yes, I am glad that undergrad is over. It was fun and the people who I connected with on this wild ride are ones I hope to keep in my life forever. And yes, there is some level of excitement about what the future could hold. I appreciate that you are happy for me on this accomplishment. But after reading this, I hope you have a better understanding of why my initial reaction when you ask me about it is to say that I am scared out of my mind!
