I'm Not A Consistent Friend, But I Still Love You

I'm just going to cut right to the chase.

Certain people feel they need to constantly see their friends remain close to them. They thrive on frequent social interaction, and can't imagine NOT being in contact with their buddies 24/7.

I am not one of those people.

Having suffered from depression most of my young adult life, in addition to being an introvert and having social anxiety, it's natural for me to only want and need myself. I usually have very low energy, and there's nothing I love more than curling up in bed with my favorite show on, scrolling through memes on Facebook.

I may have rejected "do you want to hang out" texts on my phone. And I don't feel bad about it.

Don't get me wrong, I have the best friends in the world. They are so uplifting, so funny, and understand me for exactly who I am. But I am afraid that not everyone does, and might take it personally that I don't want to hang out with them.

It has-and I cannot stress this enough-nothing to do with you. At all.

I just get like this. Sometimes, I go through stages where I'm constantly texting my people, I want to see them, I need to laugh with them in their presence.

However, most of the time, I withdraw and may go days or weeks at a time without reaching out.

I promise, I'm not trying to be a jerk, or imply that you aren't worth my time. That's so far from the truth.

I just need my space, a lot more than "normal" people. I'm so used to my little bubble, that it's become my favorite. I need time to refresh, to not have to talk, to not have to listen, to just be me.

I know most of my friends get it and are even the same way. But in case you may have a friend like this, don't get angry with them. Especially if they suffer from mental illness. That's TWICE as draining. Yes, your friendship makes them feel better, I swear. But they just cannot be in constant connection with you. It's uncomfortable for them, and that needs to be respected.

Now, is there a difference between a friend who puts absolutely no effort into the friendship ever, or only seems to shut YOU out? Then that needs to be addressed, as that seems personal. But for me, I talk to no one. For days or weeks at a time. It is not you.

I really hope eventually I can break out of this shell, and become someone who loves to be in the presence of people. It hasn't happened yet.

Until then, please bear with me and realize that if you call me at 3 in the morning because you truly need me, that's a totally different case. I will help and be there for you, 100%.

I am not always going to text you. But I still love you all with all of my heart. Thanks for putting up with me.