To the boy I'm not in love with,
You know that music is what my life revolves around and it is one of my biggest influences. I came across another song a few weeks ago that resonated with me deeply. Shout out to Danielle Bradbery for the amazing writing. The beautiful song discussed acknowledging the realization of what you are in love with someone for. It's not what you think, though. The song then proceeded to the main idea of not being in love with someone, but only being in love with their potential. Realizing that you are only in love with someone's potential is probably the most heartbreaking, yet relieving feeling. I realized that I was only in love with your potential, not you. As bitter as it sounds, I was never in love with you and I never will be.
It's sad that I built you up for so long and all you did was disappoint me. I used to wish that you would try harder. I told myself that you'd get there one day, but you haven't and probably never will. Eventually, convincing myself of the inevitable has been the most exhausting experience of my life. I convinced myself that the more I tried, the more you would try. I thought that the more I loved you, the more you would love me. I was beyond wrong.
Honestly, the best thing you could have given me was distance. Because of all the time I spent alone, I had time to reflect on our relationship. I had time to wonder what it would be like to have someone who cared about me. I wondered what it would be like to have someone who wouldn't put their feelings above mine. I wondered what it would be like to have someone who complimented me instead of insulting me. Sure we had some great times and wonderful memories to reflect on but they were only great because I convinced myself that they were. They really weren't though. How could those memories be great when I couldn't share my adventure with my friends? You made me put my feelings aside because you didn't want anyone to ask questions, especially your family. I am a family person and I respect how you felt 100 percent but you took the whole "no posting pictures or tag me in anything on social media thing" to a whole different level. I thought for a while that I could do that and that it made sense. I respect what you wanted, but you didn't respect what I wanted. I wanted to make you a part of my life. I let you meet my family because I wanted you to feel welcome. Sadly, that was never reciprocated because that was not what you wanted. I never got the feeling of welcome from you. That was the most uncomfortable feeling I've ever had. I tried to make it work for so long but I just couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to love you. Honestly, I really did. But, how could I love someone who would never love me? You can't say that you did because when people love each other, they make it known to that person. You made it seem like a hassle to spend time with me.
I hope me leaving your life will open your eyes to realize that you can't treat the next girl like you did me. You need to learn that you have to respect what she wants. If it's not a mutual decision, discuss it. Do not make her feel guilty or incompetent for feeling the way she does. Never call her annoying because she changed her mind. She can change her mind if she wants to, just like I did. If you treat her like you treated me, she WILL change her mind, JUST LIKE I DID. Ultimately, she will realize that she, too, is not in love with you.
I wish you no harm. I wish you the best.I wish you a life of opportunity.
Most of all, I wish you happiness.
The girl who is in love with your potential.