When I sat down to write this I didn't plan on it being anything like this. I love my parents and siblings so much but sometimes I feel like they forget that I'm growing up or that maybe they're intentionally ignoring the fact that I'm not a child anymore. I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I've hit rock bottom and that's just the beginning of everything that I've got going on. I've got so many problems but I choose not to tell any of my family because the second I do they try to jump in and try to figure out how to fix them, which sometimes is nice, but most of the time it's so aggravating because they don't want to give me the chance to fix them. Maybe it's because I'm the baby of the family or maybe it's the fact that they might not be ready for me to grow up yet. But the fact of the matter is that no matter what the reason is, I am over 200 miles away from home and I am learning to be an adult. While I may be a pretty shitty adult as of right now, I will learn all by myself how life works. They can't fix anything anymore.
1. To My Parents...
I'm not a baby anymore, I'm an adult but no matter what, I'll always be your child. I know you want what's best for me but sometimes you just have to sit back and let me fuck up all on my own because trust me, I'm really good at it. I don't tell you all my problems because you ask questions, questions that I don't know how to answer. You immediately try to fix my problems because that's what you've done my whole life. When I fell down, you picked my right back up but I don't need you to pick me up anymore. I can pick myself up just fine. Growing up is when I'm supposed to discover who I'm going to be in this world and that is exactly what I am trying to do.
2. To My Siblings...
I know you only want what is best for me. You all watched me grow up and yet sometimes I still think you think of me as a little kid. Sometimes that's all right because it makes life fun for me. We tease each other to no end but other times I wish you would look at me as an adult too. All I try to do is I'm trying to make you proud of me and I know you are. You say that I'm going to be the successful one of the family and that great things are gonna happen for me, maybe you're right. I'm not sure how my life will turn out. You try to be protective of me which doesn't really work when I am so far away from home. I am growing up and while teasing me and having fun is great, please try to remember that I'm not a little baby anymore.
3. To Myself...
Growing up is terrifying. Most days I can't manage to adult. College is unbelievably difficult, having a social life is harder. Everyone my age wants to go out, get drunk, and do everything like that. While sometimes that is so much fun, I prefer staying in my room eating kettle korn while watching some crime show in netflix. I like being relaxed and hanging out with my friends. While I am growing up, I need to remember to not forget what being a child feels like as well. I guess I'm not so little anymore and that's okay.
