I was laying flat in the water letting the sun hit my pale skin. My body floating on the surface of the crystal clear water. I paused. I listened to my body. It was that afternoon that I gave up on you. My heart gave up. My heart had enough. This aching pain had resided within me for too long. My heart was signaling to my head that it couldn’t take this pain any longer. My body tired from pure exhaustion. Tired of searching for signs. Tired of understanding mixed signals. Through the trials and tribulations, I slowly began to break. Piece by piece, I lost myself. I guess I’m the type of person that can just love and love and love and get absoultley nothing in return. I guess that says a lot about the type of person I am.

So I’m giving up on you. And just know, that if I walked away, it took everything out of me. I’m someone who gives a million chances to the wrong people. And I guess it’s because I truly believe they have a good soul. I believe that everyone has some good in them. But you were poison to my body. Like a disease, you infected every inch of my body. The craziest part of this entire situation is that I don’t hate you. I don’t think I could ever be mad at you. I don’t carry hate in my heart. Instead, I’m giving up on you.You no longer have anymore chances to make up for lost time or unsaid feelings. I have made too many excuses for you. I’m giving up on the idea that one day you will change and be the person I need you to be. So in a few months, please don’t try to come back into my life. Don’t attempt to right all of your wrongs. I wish you the best of luck. And when you’re out there, getting where you’re getting too, I hope you meet someone. And if you’re lucky enough to meet someone with a connection like ours, I hope you do it right. I hope you make her a priority, rather than a second option.

For now, I need to check back in with myself. I need to listen to my body’s needs. I need to focus on myself. I need to take care of myself. I need to stop putting others before myself. I deserve to find something or someone that brings me complete happiness. Maybe for you, moving forward will be easy. I’m not sure how one person can act as if another person had no direct impact on them. It’s a strange thing, trying to forget someone you loved is a lot like trying to forget someone you never met. Eventually, our memories will fade and we will become strangers.

Because of you, I’m incapable of opening my heart to anyone. And I’m going to give my heart a chance to heal againIn. But maybe when you lose someone, but find yourself, that’s okay.