I'm Crowdsourcing My Homework

I'm Crowdsourcing My Homework

I have to write this 10 page history paper and I really need your help.
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Hey guys, it's Julian. It's been a rough past couple of weeks. Midterms and papers have just been piling up, you know? I've spent too much time watching Netflix and posting on Yik Yak about watching Netflix and not enough time in the library. It's the usual story. Anyway, here's the deal. I have to write this 10 page history paper and I just really don't have the time. So, I thought to myself, you know what? It's the 21st century. I'm an Internet kind of guy. I have a problem and scarce resources. Let's crowdsource it! Unfortunately, Kickstarter and Indiegogo only have cash donation options, so I'm taking my cause to The Odyssey, since writing an article is another thing I have to do this week and now I'm killing two birds with one stone.

Here's how it's gonna work. I have a few different donation tiers that will come with some cool perks. Each donation tier also includes the perks of all the lower donation tiers. Crowdsourcing! Got it? Good. Okay, here we go.

If you donate a sentence, you will receive proper attribution in the form of a footnote! In case you had the wrong idea before, I'm all about academic honesty. If you think that just because I'm crowdsourcing my essay means I intend to take credit for the work of others, you are closed-minded, my friend. It's 2015. Everyone gets a footnote. MLA, APA, or Turabian per request.

If you donate a paragraph, you will receive a sentence beginning with "Scholars such as [YOUR NAME HERE] have argued that..." I don't care what anyone else says. If you donate a whole paragraph, that makes you a "scholars such as" in my book. This sentence can go before the paragraph that you donate or somewhere else in the essay if you'd prefer.

If you donate a page, you will receive a signed copy of the final paper. That's right, an 8.5" x 11" printed copy of the paper personally signed by both me and my professor! Just for you! The signature can be personalized as you wish. Limit one per patron.

If you donate a mediocre thesis, you will receive a framed, signed copy of the final paper. The thesis can be anywhere from a single sentence to a whole intro paragraph, just so long as it isn't really saying anything new or interesting and shows little more than a rudimentary understanding of the course material. Limit $100 for the frame.

If you donate a strong thesis, you will receive a private reading of the paper. That's right, if your thesis makes a specific and interesting argument that can be supported by both historical facts and arguments from respected historians, I will perform a private reading of the paper just for you! If you'd prefer someone other than me to perform the reading, I will do my best to accommodate this, but I can't make any promises.

So there it is, Internet. I hope I've gotten you guys pumped about this paper. Remember, if everyone pitches in just a little bit, it has the potential of getting at least a B-plus, maybe even an A-minus.

Cover Image Credit: socialbrite.org

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25 Responses To Your Friend Who Doesn't Text Back

Omg thanks for responding so quickly...oh, wait.
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We all have that friend. That friend we love to death, but if we are sure of anything in this world, it’s that they will not respond to your text because they suck at texting. That moment when you see “Read 1:04 p.m.” and you’re like “and???? Helloooooooo!”

These are 25 responses for that dear friend.

1. Lol thanks for tagging me in that FB post, now text me tf back.


2. OMG, wait you met Chris Hemsworth and he’s professing his love to you??!! No? Okay, then you can def text me back.

3. Hey I’m coming to help you since you obviously broke your thumbs and can’t respond.

4. Lolol thanks for responding. I’ll just continue the conversation with myself. That’s cool.

5. Good chat.

6. Yeah I wouldn’t know how to respond either, pizza topping selection is a thought-provoking process. Take your time. Meditate on it.

7. The classic: ^^^^^^^^^


8. I hope you’re writing me the 8th Harry Potter novel.

9. That was a yes or no question. This isn’t difficult. You wouldn’t do well with ‘Sophie’s Choice.’

10. Omg, did you pass out from the excitement of getting a text from me? Totally understandable. Text me when you regain consciousness, love.

11. Omg what a witty and clever response. Nothing. So philosophical.

12. The only excuse I’ll accept is if you’re eating guac and don’t want to get it on your phone. Because avocados are life.

13. I love it when you do that adorable thing when you don’t text me back for hours. So cute.


14. Okay I’ll answer for you. Yes, you’re going out tonight. Glad we had this convo.

15. In the time it has taken you to respond, dinosaurs could have retaken the earth.

16. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

17. The dramatic but also very valid response: That’s what happens when you don’t respond for 30 minutes. People die.


18. I apologize for asking if you were coming to watch Bachelor, clearly the decision has caused you serious reflection on your priorities. I’m sorry to have caused you this existential crisis.

19. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. But like plz respond…

20. Your response time is longer than Ross and Rachel’s entire relationship. 10 seasons. You couldn’t text me back for 10 seasons?!!

21. Wait. You’re responding too fast. I can’t keep up. Hang on. Don’t respond so quickly. Jeez.

22. A subtle but perfectly placed gif. What will you go with? The classic eye roll perhaps or maybe a “you suck.”


23. Did you fall off a cliff? Wait, you don’t exercise. Pause your Netflix and respond b*tch.

24. Omg I WON THE LOTTERY. *responds* Lol now you respond…

25. And my personal favorite and go to, Did you text me and then decide to THROW YOUR PHONE ACROSS THE OCEAN?! Lol swim fast, I need an answer.

Cover Image Credit: http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8289/7759302068_fac2dfd31d_b.jpg

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5 Things You Should Know Before Using Poshmark

Here is my Poshmark experience from hell, and how we can all learn from it.

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Have you ever thought of buying or selling things on Poshmark? You may want to reconsider.

Maybe you are wanting to buy a designer bag for cheap, or sell some old clothes for a little extra cash. Whatever the reason, this app has serious issues that many people are unaware of.


Macklemore - Thrift Shop Thrift Shop (feat. Wanz) by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, The Heist (2012)


1. Poshmark Takes Forever To Respond To Customer Service Issues, If At All.

Chances are high that if you are experiencing problems with Poshmark, everyone else is too.

Every time I tried contacting their customer service, I only received automated replies and no solutions. For a company that has made millions of dollars in sales commissions, you would think they would hire more customer service agents to help their users.

Go ahead and try emailing them, tweeting at them, or reaching them on Facebook. They will still give you a robotic response without actually fixing the problem.


Dog Gif on Imgur An inside look at Poshmark's customer service center.


2. Poshmark Takes Strict To The Extreme and In All Of The Wrong Ways.

When selling on Poshmark, one of my buyers asked me if I could sell her a sweater at a discount on Mercari. Mercari is an app that works the same way as Poshmark, except it takes a lower commission fee out of seller's earnings at 10% instead of Poshmark's 20%. After seeing that Mercari is noticeably better for sellers, I agreed to sell my sweater on there for free shipping.

Within two days, my account was permanently restricted. I was banned from creating listings or selling anything else on the app. I had numerous pending sales, and my buyers were concerned they would not receive their items. Poshmark is literally so money hungry, they had to ban my account for using their competition. I'm sure you can guess what happened when I emailed customer service... Nothing.

To add insult to injury, they also restricted all other accounts that were linked to my original one. Poshmark has a strict "one account per person" policy, which makes them big Nazi's about chain banning and deleting people. It doesn't even matter how much money you have made them or potentially will make them.


Dolores Umbridge From Harry Potter I think Dolores Umbridge secretly runs Poshmark. Imelda Staunton in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)


3. Scamming Is Rampant On Poshmark.

Whether you are a buyer or a seller, there are many ways people can get scammed on Poshmark.

First of all, there is no rating system in place to separate legitimate users from scammers. On Mercari for example, buyers are able to rate sellers, and sellers are able to rate buyers out of five stars. On Poshmark, there is barely any user protection measures put in place at all.

Poshmark has a policy that items cannot be returned if they don't fit, but can be returned if the item was not as described. As a loophole, some buyers will purposely damage the item if it doesn't fit just so it can be refunded. It leaves the seller with no earnings, a damaged item, and a bad reputation. The worst part is that you can't even give them a bad rating, and Poshmark always sides with buyers over sellers.

If you are a buyer looking for authentic designer items, steer clear of Poshmark. Many sellers try to trick you into buying replica pieces for the full amount, so beware. Also realize that many Poshmark sellers aren't the most reliable, and may take a long time to actually ship out items. They might not even be active, so be sure to check the reviews left on their closet before buying from them.


4. Poshmark Is Full Of Creepers.

My weirdest Poshmark experience was also my first Poshmark experience. I sold a pair of pants to a buyer under the name of "Karen." It seemed pretty normal at first until I saw the name listed on Karen's shipping address was "Joseph." Luckily, I read an article on Business Insider by Hayley Peterson beforehand, which warned about creepy men trying to get the addresses of unsuspecting women on Poshmark for potentially sinister reasons.

I looked into Karen's previous purchases and saw she bought a lot of used lingerie! Not even kidding, I was horrified. I immediately changed the information on my return label to a male name with a different address from my own.


Hannibal Lector bought my jeans. Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs (1991)


5. Poshmark is Outdated.

Poshmark is so outdated, they didn't even have a working website up until 2017. It's full of glitches, just like the app version. The FAQ isn't helpful most of the time, and there is no appeal system in place for people like me, who would like to reinstate their accounts.


Never Say No To Panda 2010 Egyptian commercial for Panda cheese by A. Dairy.


After everything I have been through, I don't see myself using Poshmark anymore. There are better alternatives out there, including Mercari, threadUP, Swap, Wish, Letgo, and more.

I encourage everyone reading this to please share it with your friends. Inform everyone about the dangers and issues associated with using Poshmark.

Cover Image Credit:

https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-holding-card-while-operating-silver-laptop-919436/

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