I'm Crowdsourcing My Homework

I'm Crowdsourcing My Homework

I have to write this 10 page history paper and I really need your help.
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Hey guys, it's Julian. It's been a rough past couple of weeks. Midterms and papers have just been piling up, you know? I've spent too much time watching Netflix and posting on Yik Yak about watching Netflix and not enough time in the library. It's the usual story. Anyway, here's the deal. I have to write this 10 page history paper and I just really don't have the time. So, I thought to myself, you know what? It's the 21st century. I'm an Internet kind of guy. I have a problem and scarce resources. Let's crowdsource it! Unfortunately, Kickstarter and Indiegogo only have cash donation options, so I'm taking my cause to The Odyssey, since writing an article is another thing I have to do this week and now I'm killing two birds with one stone.

Here's how it's gonna work. I have a few different donation tiers that will come with some cool perks. Each donation tier also includes the perks of all the lower donation tiers. Crowdsourcing! Got it? Good. Okay, here we go.

If you donate a sentence, you will receive proper attribution in the form of a footnote! In case you had the wrong idea before, I'm all about academic honesty. If you think that just because I'm crowdsourcing my essay means I intend to take credit for the work of others, you are closed-minded, my friend. It's 2015. Everyone gets a footnote. MLA, APA, or Turabian per request.

If you donate a paragraph, you will receive a sentence beginning with "Scholars such as [YOUR NAME HERE] have argued that..." I don't care what anyone else says. If you donate a whole paragraph, that makes you a "scholars such as" in my book. This sentence can go before the paragraph that you donate or somewhere else in the essay if you'd prefer.

If you donate a page, you will receive a signed copy of the final paper. That's right, an 8.5" x 11" printed copy of the paper personally signed by both me and my professor! Just for you! The signature can be personalized as you wish. Limit one per patron.

If you donate a mediocre thesis, you will receive a framed, signed copy of the final paper. The thesis can be anywhere from a single sentence to a whole intro paragraph, just so long as it isn't really saying anything new or interesting and shows little more than a rudimentary understanding of the course material. Limit $100 for the frame.

If you donate a strong thesis, you will receive a private reading of the paper. That's right, if your thesis makes a specific and interesting argument that can be supported by both historical facts and arguments from respected historians, I will perform a private reading of the paper just for you! If you'd prefer someone other than me to perform the reading, I will do my best to accommodate this, but I can't make any promises.

So there it is, Internet. I hope I've gotten you guys pumped about this paper. Remember, if everyone pitches in just a little bit, it has the potential of getting at least a B-plus, maybe even an A-minus.

Cover Image Credit: socialbrite.org

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25 Responses To Your Friend Who Doesn't Text Back

Omg thanks for responding so quickly...oh, wait.
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We all have that friend. That friend we love to death, but if we are sure of anything in this world, it’s that they will not respond to your text because they suck at texting. That moment when you see “Read 1:04 p.m.” and you’re like “and???? Helloooooooo!”

These are 25 responses for that dear friend.

1. Lol thanks for tagging me in that FB post, now text me tf back.


2. OMG, wait you met Chris Hemsworth and he’s professing his love to you??!! No? Okay, then you can def text me back.

3. Hey I’m coming to help you since you obviously broke your thumbs and can’t respond.

4. Lolol thanks for responding. I’ll just continue the conversation with myself. That’s cool.

5. Good chat.

6. Yeah I wouldn’t know how to respond either, pizza topping selection is a thought-provoking process. Take your time. Meditate on it.

7. The classic: ^^^^^^^^^


8. I hope you’re writing me the 8th Harry Potter novel.

9. That was a yes or no question. This isn’t difficult. You wouldn’t do well with ‘Sophie’s Choice.’

10. Omg, did you pass out from the excitement of getting a text from me? Totally understandable. Text me when you regain consciousness, love.

11. Omg what a witty and clever response. Nothing. So philosophical.

12. The only excuse I’ll accept is if you’re eating guac and don’t want to get it on your phone. Because avocados are life.

13. I love it when you do that adorable thing when you don’t text me back for hours. So cute.


14. Okay I’ll answer for you. Yes, you’re going out tonight. Glad we had this convo.

15. In the time it has taken you to respond, dinosaurs could have retaken the earth.

16. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

17. The dramatic but also very valid response: That’s what happens when you don’t respond for 30 minutes. People die.


18. I apologize for asking if you were coming to watch Bachelor, clearly the decision has caused you serious reflection on your priorities. I’m sorry to have caused you this existential crisis.

19. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. But like plz respond…

20. Your response time is longer than Ross and Rachel’s entire relationship. 10 seasons. You couldn’t text me back for 10 seasons?!!

21. Wait. You’re responding too fast. I can’t keep up. Hang on. Don’t respond so quickly. Jeez.

22. A subtle but perfectly placed gif. What will you go with? The classic eye roll perhaps or maybe a “you suck.”


23. Did you fall off a cliff? Wait, you don’t exercise. Pause your Netflix and respond b*tch.

24. Omg I WON THE LOTTERY. *responds* Lol now you respond…

25. And my personal favorite and go to, Did you text me and then decide to THROW YOUR PHONE ACROSS THE OCEAN?! Lol swim fast, I need an answer.

Cover Image Credit: http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8289/7759302068_fac2dfd31d_b.jpg

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3 Reasons I Did Not Like Halo As A Kid

It was a meh game

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Halo: Combat Evolved was a game that revolutionized the world of video games. Even to this day, the Halo franchise is a powerful force in the world of video games (not necessarily for good reasons, looking at you REC packs). Many of my friends grew up loving this franchise and idolizing Master Chief. I was not one of those people, here's why. Before I get into this I just want to say I don't hate Halo its just as a kid I preferred other games and this is why.

1. No aiming down sights

In shooters, I try to be as accurate as possible when I shoot. I lean towards things like single shot rifles and snipers instead of shotguns or high rate of fire rifles. It was just how I liked to shoot. The shooter I grew up playing was Call of Duty, particularly Call of Duty 2: The Big Red One. So when I went over to my friend's house and we played Halo, something was always off. In the early days of Halo, not all guns could aim down their sights.

When I found this out it baffled me. Why would you not want to aim down the sights? Shotguns and rocket launchers made sense but rifles and SMGs just seemed wrong without sights. It bothered me since I was so used to aiming down the sights to be as accurate as I could be.

2. Master Chief is a boring character

I've always liked stories. I particularly like the stories in video games. The possibilities are endless in the world of video games. Which is why I'm saddened that Master Chief is such a boring character. He is a yes man. All he ever does is follow orders, at least until Halo 5. I get that he is a badass that has saved the galaxy from the flood and worked with the Arbiter and whatnot. He can do all of that but he can't act human for 10 seconds.

3. The weapons were boring

It feels like when they were making the game, the human weapons were just going down a checklist. Full auto rifle? Check. Burst Rifle? Check. Sniper Rifle? Check. etc etc. The alien weapons were the more interesting ones to me.

That was the case until you look at them and most of them are the human weapons but they fire plasma which works functionally identically. Only the sword, needler, and gravity hammer were interesting, and that's because two of those were melee weapons.

So all in all, the guns were uninteresting, the main character was just a dude that follows orders, and I couldn't be as accurate as I wanted to. All of that made for an experience that felt more like something that should've been in the bargain bin instead of the thing my friends wouldn't shut up about. All of this isn't to say Halo is bad, I have lost many hours to playing this with my friends, Halo was just not as interesting to me as other games when I was a kid

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