Hey guys, it's Julian. It's been a rough past couple of weeks. Midterms and papers have just been piling up, you know? I've spent too much time watching Netflix and posting on Yik Yak about watching Netflix and not enough time in the library. It's the usual story. Anyway, here's the deal. I have to write this 10 page history paper and I just really don't have the time. So, I thought to myself, you know what? It's the 21st century. I'm an Internet kind of guy. I have a problem and scarce resources. Let's crowdsource it! Unfortunately, Kickstarter and Indiegogo only have cash donation options, so I'm taking my cause to The Odyssey, since writing an article is another thing I have to do this week and now I'm killing two birds with one stone.
Here's how it's gonna work. I have a few different donation tiers that will come with some cool perks. Each donation tier also includes the perks of all the lower donation tiers. Crowdsourcing! Got it? Good. Okay, here we go.
If you donate a sentence, you will receive proper attribution in the form of a footnote! In case you had the wrong idea before, I'm all about academic honesty. If you think that just because I'm crowdsourcing my essay means I intend to take credit for the work of others, you are closed-minded, my friend. It's 2015. Everyone gets a footnote. MLA, APA, or Turabian per request.
If you donate a paragraph, you will receive a sentence beginning with "Scholars such as [YOUR NAME HERE] have argued that..." I don't care what anyone else says. If you donate a whole paragraph, that makes you a "scholars such as" in my book. This sentence can go before the paragraph that you donate or somewhere else in the essay if you'd prefer.
If you donate a page, you will receive a signed copy of the final paper. That's right, an 8.5" x 11" printed copy of the paper personally signed by both me and my professor! Just for you! The signature can be personalized as you wish. Limit one per patron.
If you donate a mediocre thesis, you will receive a framed, signed copy of the final paper. The thesis can be anywhere from a single sentence to a whole intro paragraph, just so long as it isn't really saying anything new or interesting and shows little more than a rudimentary understanding of the course material. Limit $100 for the frame.
If you donate a strong thesis, you will receive a private reading of the paper. That's right, if your thesis makes a specific and interesting argument that can be supported by both historical facts and arguments from respected historians, I will perform a private reading of the paper just for you! If you'd prefer someone other than me to perform the reading, I will do my best to accommodate this, but I can't make any promises.
So there it is, Internet. I hope I've gotten you guys pumped about this paper. Remember, if everyone pitches in just a little bit, it has the potential of getting at least a B-plus, maybe even an A-minus.