Hey, remember me?

I know it’s been a while. I let my hair grow. I put a little blonde in it, like you’d been begging me to do forever but I never got around to it. You probably thought you’d seen and heard the last of me. Well, you probably have. But on the ever so slight chance that you ever read this, there’s a few things I never had the chance to say to you.

First off,

I hate you. For making me doubt my every decision. For making me believe there was something wrong with me. For all the times you lied and said this won’t happen again or my favorite; I’m sorry.

Now I’m the one that’s sorry.

I lost touch with many friends because you made me delete them, unfriend them, or even go as far as blocking them-not only online but in person too. All because you were so insecure with YOURSELF that you couldn’t trust me. I sacrificed my happiness, my friendships, and even my personality for you. And still, your last message to me was Thanks for ruining my life.

I never once complained about your explosive tantrums and I let things roll off my back because I knew there was nothing I could do. You would laugh whenever you made a scene and later would give me the What? You know I’m an a******* look. You made me think that I was in the wrong. I lost touch of who I really was; I lost my spark.

Secondly,

I hope you never do what you did to me, to anyone else. As long as you shall live, I hope you never infect someone else with your endless mind games. I say “infect” because you are parasite. You feed off a host and that’s exactly what I was to you for all that time. A host. You got into my bloodstream, and flew under the radar, almost undetected. For years I thought that what we had was love. It wasn’t until I was free of your grasps that I realized I was nothing more than a pawn in your game. I never spoke openly about the things you put me through. Honestly, I was ashamed of myself. How could I not see that you were unhealthy for me? How did I not put things together and realize I was in trouble?

I wanted to fix you.

I wanted to take all your issues and have you let them go. I wanted to lift your burdens from your shoulders. I wanted to help you because no one really understood you. But after all this time I realize; I still don’t and probably never will.

Thirdly,

I hope you get help.

You’re a mess. Like a real hot mess. Like the kind that would make someone cross to the other side of the street because you scare them that much. And it pains me that you have to function that way because you’re too big of a person to admit you’re wrong.

And lastly,

I forgive you.

Colossians 3:13 : Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Thank you for what you've put me though. Because I’ve learned from my mistakes and I’m a much stronger person for everything I’ve come to deal with. I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you find where you belong and I hope you’re able to rid yourself of whatever frustrations you have.