Dear Boys, 

This is what really goes through a girl’s mind when you send her a text message. Be very afraid.

If you send a girl text message… 

She’ll want an emoji to go with it. 

And if you send the winky-face emoji… 

She’ll probably read way too much into it. 

And when she reads too much into it… 

She’ll want to text back. 

She’ll probably type out a million different responses… 

But delete them all immediately. 

And when she deletes them all immediately… 

She’ll text her friends what to say. 

When she texts her friends what to say… 

They’ll probably make it into a bigger deal than it is. 

And when they make into a bigger deal than it is… 

They’ll probably give her some bad advice. 

They’ll probably tell her you like her… 

And that you are totally flirting with her.   

And when she thinks that you are totally flirting with her…

She’ll probably blush and freak out. 

So she’ll go for a run to think it over. 

And when she goes for a run to think it over… 

She’ll pass by her friends who she texted for advice. 

They’ll ask her to see the text message. 

And when they ask her to see the text message… 

They’ll notice that her nails are way overdue for a manicure.

So they’ll take her to the nail salon. 

When they take her to the nail salon… 

They’ll stop by the boutiques on their way back. 

When they stop by the boutiques… 

They’ll get lost in all of the clothes, earrings, and boots. 

So they’ll engage in much needed retail therapy. 

When they engage in much needed retail therapy… 

They’ll spend hours upon hours in front of the mirror. 

And when they spend hours in front of the mirror… 

They’ll eventually wonder what time it is. 

And when they wonder what time it is… 

The girl will check the time on her phone. 

And when she checks the time on her phone… 

She’ll probably realize that she never responded to the cute boy who texted her. 

So she’ll finally decide to send a text message. 

And if a girl sends you a text message… 

She’ll pick an emoji to go with it. 

So this isn’t exactly the same reaction as when you give a pig a pancake or when you give a moose a muffin. But trust me, it’s accurate.