You see me…

You see a young coach, my feet just barely wet in the coaching world, and you see someone with little experience.

You see the one who still questions things, the one who although has been around the sport for many years, is learning alongside your daughters every time we take the field.

You hear the anger in my voice and the frustrations in my actions as I coach a player up after a bad play and likely ask, “Why is she so mad? It was just a bad play.”

You see the young woman who some days still wants to be a player herself so she grabs a glove and hits the field just to catch a fly ball for the feeling of it.

You see the two friends who played together, and want nothing more than to still be around the sport that they love so they now coach.

You see everything I do wrong in your eyes and think quietly that maybe you could do better if you were the coach and maybe simple mistakes would not be made if you were the one calling the shots.

You see all these things. But here’s what you don’t see…

I’m the one who has given up the last years of my carefree young adult life to step into a position of authority, one being where my actions are always examined and there is little to no room to mess up.

Early mornings, late nights, rushing from one place to another I’m the one who some days could burst into tears at any moments because I’m so overwhelmed with the 500 things I need to do but at the present moment have to make sure your daughter is taken care of and nothing wrong can happen in the 90 minutes she is on the field with me.

We are the ones with late night discussions about your daughters’ doings outside of our softball practices and games, the things we wish for her to accomplish in her young life and how we can do better to prepare them for a cruel and cold world.

I’m the one up worrying late at night for the safety of all my players, both past, and present, as some go home from the field into a place or turmoil and hurt versus being with their teammates where they are in a safe space.

I’m the one turning down invitations to birthday parties, to week night dinner get-togethers, the one who spends her free time analyzing her team’s efforts and thinking what she can do better to help them be successful on the field.

I’m the one who considers asking my boyfriend to come work on the field with me an afternoon date because evenings and weekends are mostly out of the picture. And also the one who spends most of her time with her father on the field, because hey he chose this life too.

We are the ones sacrificing our time with our husband or boyfriend, our study groups at school for the class we are struggling in, time with our parents and in some cases our children.

I’m the one who would literally go to battle for your daughter if needed, no matter how many times she has made me want to pull my hair out stomping away as she has just frustrated me.

I’m the one who sees you seeing me in your own opinion and just wishing for your acceptance and understanding, the one who just wants you to know I love your daughter, I love the game of softball, and I love learning from her as she teaches me daily how to be a better person and in my heart only her best interest in life is at stake.