I'm like any other red-blooded American with a wide variety of hobbies. I enjoy certain sports, I listen to music, I anger racists.

Long time readers send me the question again and again. "How can I continue to enjoy angering racists while also building my resume?" And I always tell them the same thing: buy a Rosetta Stone and learn a new language and then speak in that language in public.

You see, racist people are also often called xenophobes, and their phobia is of anything different from them. Naturally, using different words than the ones they're used to is usually more than enough to make them angry. When it's just not enough to garble together random jargon from your last Taco Bell visit, pull out some heavier ammunition to scare off racists, whether you're on the subway or at the Thanksgiving table.

(Note: this is intended as advice for people of privilege. If English is not your first language, then you are well aware of how speaking other dialects angers ignorant people. We hope that, should one learn a language to anger racists, they do it in mindfulness of the oppressiveness of Western intellectualism and use their newfound language skills to help bridge cultures)

1. Pretty much any language besides English, really.

There are the obvious ones. We all know racists probably get annoyed by Spanish, Hebrew, Arabic, etc. But it turns out that racists aren't great about learning about other cultures. So go ahead, hit 'em with some Mandarin, Urdu, Portuguese. Maybe even Russian, Italian. They probably can't tell the difference anyways.

2. Klingon, Elvish, Dothraki, etc.

Maybe you have some incredibly niche career where knowing any of these would be useful. Perhaps you're a security guard at comic conventions? Whatever the case, spoken in public without any context, you're sure to confuse racists. And disappoint your parents.

3. Morse Code

-. . ...- . .-. / --. --- -. -. .- / --. .. ...- . / -.-- --- ..- / ..- .--. / -. . ...- . .-. / --. --- -. -. .- / .-.. . - / -.-- --- ..- / -.. --- .-- -.

4. Sign Language

This option comes with the added bonus of giving you insight into the Deaf community and be able to further engage in intersectional activism.

Bonus! Learn German!

I know, this may not seem like the obvious choice. After all, German is the go to language for people who want to truly understand the nuances of Mein Kampf. However, that's exactly what makes it such a great candidate for helping you infiltrate their ranks, like adequate seasoning rectifying a chicken breast. Track down those lederhosen-lovers, give a quick "Hallo!", and in no time you'll be ready to turn the alt-right into bratwurst.

Get out there and get multilingual!