With recruitment season upon us, we’ll all meet hundreds of girls.
It can be hard to decide who’s who in so little time. Luckily, using every sorority girl’s favorite movie, we can sort them out.
Cady Heron.
This girl is easy to fall in love with, but can be dangerous. "Do not trust her!" She walks in looking cute, doe-eyed and innocent, but is quick to ask all about the parties and socials your house has. Don’t be fooled by her sweet exterior. She only came to college to party and "spew, word vomit… no, wait a minute, actual vomit." Just compliment her on her homemade leather bracelet and move on.
Regina George.
She’s horrible, but for some reason you can’t get enough. You want to believe her when she says, “but you’re really pretty,” and that she loves your skirt because it’s so vintage. She will probably try to take over any house she gets into and become its queen bee. It may be tempting to let in this girl, but she will only look out for herself, even if that means leaving her sisters behind
Gretchen Wieners.
She’s rich because her parents, like, invented Toaster Strudel or something, but is still one of the nicer girl’s you’ll meet. She will keep your back just as long as you keep hers. She knows all about all of the houses on the row before rush even begins, and will use this info to make sure she gets into any one she wants. “That’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.” Once you let her into your sorority, she will always support it. Take her, it’ll be so “fetch.”
Karen Smith.
She is clueless and will do anything she’s told. Each house she walks into turns her into a different person. She will say she loves your house, but don’t take it to heart because she says that to everyone. She may have to rack up extra study hours, but she will make for a loyal and trustworthy sister. Plus, she always knows what sprit shirt your wearing when. “On Wednesdays, we wear pink.”
Damian Leigh.
She is fun and social and has great fashion sense (she obviously has a pink shirt you can borrow). She will be the first one to hit the dance floor and the loudest girl in the student sections. She will be a great addition to any house.
Janis Ian.
You don’t really know why she’s there and neither does she. Her mom probably told her to go through rush because she could make new friends, but she is clearly not having it. “She doesn’t even go here.” You’ll have a nice, semi-awkward conversation about her art and then probably never see each other again. Unless you offend her; then she’ll probably plan to ruin your life.
Aaron Samuels.
Major rush crush. She is unbelievably gorgeous and everyone will want her. I mean her “hair looks sexy pushed back” and any other way, too. Even though she can go anyone where she wants, she’s looking for a group of girls who are real and not “plastic.” Be yourself and you’ll win her over in the end.
Glen Coco.
Four bids for you, Glen Coco. You, go, Glen Coco.
So, good luck with recruitment. When it’s over we can “bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone [will] eat and be happy.”
