Not every lesson that we learn as children do we carry into adulthood; however, being told the same thing over and over again will surely stay with us, even if it's subconsciously, and may later affect the decisions that we make.
When girls are young, they are typically told, "If he's mean to you, that means he likes you" over and over again. But why? There is so much danger in that statement alone -- so many ideas that should never manifest themselves into a young person's mind. Of course, I do not believe the intent of this statement is to harm, but that's exactly what it's doing.
If a boy is being mean to a girl, it does not mean that he likes her. It simply means that he was never taught that a person should be nice and respect everyone, not just other males. It means that we are teaching young girls to look for the boy who is mean to her, instead of the boy who treats her with respect. It means that we are giving young kids, both girls and boys, the wrong idea of love. Love is not mean. Love is respect, kind, gentle, warm, comfortable.
When that same little girl who you said that to constantly grows older and a boy calls her "b***h," will you still tell her that he's mean to her because he likes her? What if he gets physical and snaps her bra strap? Or what if he goes so far as to hit her? If we don't want girls to think like this when they are older -- why are we teaching them the exact opposite when they are younger?
As extreme as this sounds, the reality of the situation is that because girls repeatedly hear this when they are young, they allow this statement to subconsciously justify being abused in relationships later in life. Women lie and say that they have boyfriends just to be left alone because they realize that a man respects another man more than he respects a woman and her feelings -- and that must stop.
So, instead of, "If he's mean to you, he likes you," we should be teaching, "If he's mean to you, defend yourself." If we start teaching girls that it's okay (and right) to defend themselves, just as boys are taught, we will be creating a new ideology altogether. One that says women and men should be treated as equals (FEMINISM) and isn't that exactly what we're looking for?
