If He Wasn't Good For Me, Why Can't I Get Over Him?

If He Wasn't Good For Me, Why Can't I Get Over Him?

You don't have to fight the breakup battle alone.
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Breakups are hard… Even the ones that we know are literally the best thing for us.

And as we fight like hell to move on, we come to the golden question…

“I know he was bad for me, so why do I still feel so deeply for him? Why do I still love him? I thought once I got back on track with the Lord, I wouldn’t desire him anymore…but the feelings just continue to increase-growing stronger and stronger.How long will I fight these feelings? I left him in the past, but he is still present in my heart.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if when we finally took a step to free ourselves from something that wasn’t good for us (aka, an unhealthy relationship) that we actually felt FREE?

I think that when we break off a relationship, walk away from something thrilling but damaging, and start on a new path, we feel the loss of companionship and hope that the pang of loneliness doesn’t trap us. That we escape its grasp and run into the arms of the RIGHT guy, the NEW life, and the FREEDOM of moving on.


Follow Jordan on her blog, Soul Scripts.


I mean, that’s how we want it to go, right?

End bad relationship? Check!

Heal from the pain of the breakup? Check!

Learn my lesson and grow in my faith? Double Check!

Never think about the ex? Check!

Meet the RIGHT guy? Check!

Live happily ever after? YES PLEASE.

But sometimes…most times…it doesn’t really happen in that perfect little order and, instead, our heart fights this dragon that has us in his grasp, breathing the pain of loss and loneliness down our neck.

So there we are, confused and alone in a dark cave, like, “HI, WHY AM I STILL SITTING IN THIS CAVE WITH THIS DANG DRAGON?”

You know, I wish I could point to a date on a calendar and say, “look, if you can hold on a little longer and make it to here, you’ll never struggle with this again. The dragon will stop breathing his fiery breath on you and you won’t feel the pain of loneliness or heartbreak again. Ever. You’ll never even think about it.”

Unfortunately, I can’t do that for two reasons:

  1. I don’t have a calendar and I can’t see into the future.
  2. I don’t know your heart or what God is doing in it.

But I do know one thing.

Your pain is normal and your feelings are valid. It’s a beautiful thing that you are taking steps out of a relationship that may not have been quite right and stepping into one with Jesus. And it’s a bazillion percent true that He alone can satisfy you.

BUT, He didn’t say that you wouldn’t experience pain. In fact, He said you would have trouble in this life. In fact, He said that you WOULD have pain in this life. But that you can fight it bravely because He has overcome the worst of the worst in the world — EVEN heartbreak like yours (John 16:33).

While you’re still sitting in that cave, while your heart is still mending and trying to move on and out of the cave, you may be thinking of Jesus more like a bucket of water than a Knight in Shining Armor. Perhaps you’ve turned Him into a treatment to ease the pain instead of the cure that ends it.


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When the pang of loneliness breaths its fiery breath on you, are you trying to dump water on it to diffuse it temporarily? Or are you letting Him fight the dragon for you — to the death? Are you turning to Jesus looking for a band-aid? Or are you letting Him actually cure the pain?

Letting Jesus overcome the world of pain we face requires a total surrender of our sword — of our desire to fix it ourselves and have it comfort us in the process. He’s not just a teddy bear to squeeze. He’s a powerhouse and we're invited to step into that power, but it costs us something. It costs us our own strength, power, and trust in ourselves that we once had.

The old way of life and the past will always try to burn us and remind us of its existence because it wants us to live there — especially if there was a thrill to it. Old habits, old flames, old love. But when Jesus is your Knight, your cure, and your King…then you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

So I guess I just want to tell you that although I can’t give you the perfect answer or an exact date where you will move on and conquer the dragon in your heart once and for all, I can tell you have a Knight in Shining Armor who says:

“Hey, look. You're going to face pain in this life and you won't always understand it. But compared to the glory that will come from it, this is minor. It's not even worth comparing. And, in the middle of the battle, you don't have to fight alone. Lay down your sword. I got this."

Think big picture. Think conquering dragons, not just dousing the flame.

Because you DO deserve a man who would die fighting for you. And you do have that man who proved He would die for you, 2000 years ago, on a cross.

And He conquered more than the dragon’s fiery breath. He conquered the fires of hell.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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If You THINK You're Too Dependent On Your Boyfriend, You Probably Are

Depend on yourself before you depend on him.

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Don't get me wrong, having a boyfriend and being in love is an incredible feeling. But when you depend on your boyfriend for everything and forget how to do things on your own, it becomes a major problem. You might not see it but your family and friends do. Yes he's your boyfriend and of course, you want to spend every single second with him but you can't carry him around in the back of your pocket for the rest of your life. So here's to the girls who are too dependent on your boyfriends, I think you girls might want to hear this.

First and foremost, I completely understand what it's like to be in love and want to spend every second with your boyfriend. I get that he is one of your best friends, one of the people you can trust the most, one of the sources of your happiness, one of your stress relievers, one of the things that brings you comfort, one of the people you can rant to for anything, one of the people that you can cry to about anything, one of the people that you want to make memories with, one of the people that you want to spend the rest of your life with and so much more.

Did you notice I said one of, for all that? He is just one of the people you can go to for all of that, not the only one. You have friends and family who can do all of that too. And trust me, we want to. While yes you might prefer him to those other people, it's still important to keep your friends and family in the loop of what's going on in your life and it's even more important just to keep them in your life.

When you choose your boyfriend over your friends and family for everything, you're slowly pushing them out of your life. I, and everyone else who's been where I have been, completely understand if you already have plans with your boyfriend, or if something is going on you want to spend time with him. But to blow off your friends every single time for him is a slap in the face to us. Or to invite him to everything we do is another slap in the face. Of course as friends and family, we want to spend time with your boyfriend but it gets awkward third wheeling.

Go out with your family and friends without him sometimes and make tons of memories, as you did before. Rant and cry to friends and family sometimes instead, we care about you and your feelings, just as much as he does... maybe, even more, when you guys are fighting. When you don't talk to or see your friends and family without him there, you're pretty much telling us that you don't like being around us and that by bringing him, it makes it more bearable for you.

With that being said, you have to let him do the same. You have to let him have time for his family and friends without you. It looks super weird that you follow him around like a lost little puppy dog. Let him have time with the guys, without you being there or showing up at some point. To tag along to every little thing he does isn't healthy. Tagging along to everything thing your boyfriend does, probably makes his friends, a little uncomfortable, especially when they want their guy time and you're the only girl and they don't want you to feel awkward or left out. Or his family wants to spend time with just him and catch up.

Do things apart from each other, so when you are together you have stories to tell and pictures to show them.

Speaking of doing things apart from each other. Don't let an amazing opportunity slip away because you have to spend time away from your boyfriend. Did I leave my boyfriend to do the Disney College Program, hell yes I did. Am I going to apply again in August or maybe January? Hell yes, I am. Don't be afraid to explore things without him, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because you never know when you might get a great opportunity again.

Learning to do things alone is scary, I get it. But don't base your schedule around his, I've seen so many girls do this and it just back fries in the end. Unless you have kids, you do not plan your schedules around him or know where he is at every single second.

You never know, one day he might not be there anymore, and if you're always with your boyfriend and forgetting about friends and family, you might not have them either. And then what? Who do you depend on?

I wish you all would learn to depend on yourself before you depend completely on your boyfriend for everything. You are capable of so many things alone. You might feel like your boyfriend completes you and makes you whole, but in reality, you were already complete without him. He's just an added bonus. Don't give up your friends, family, and life because you want to be attached at the hip. You might lose more than you gain by doing that.

This goes for couples who have been dating for all lengths of time. It could be six months or six years.

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