At 8 years old you say
If he hits me, he likes me
At 12 years old
If he hits me, boys will be boys
At 18 years old
If he hits me, he's immature
At 28 years old
If he hits me, he's abusive
You brought me up listening to the same story.
Boys will be boys and they don't know how to express their feelings.
Yet, when you tell me again and again when I'm young that if a boy hits me, he likes me
Don't be surprised when I'm older, if I dare believe a boy who hits me loves me.
You look at me with pity as the words you told me come to life...
If he hits me he likes me.
If he hits me, he doesn't know how to express himself.
If he hits me he just needs to grow up some.
If he hits me he loves me.
You criticize me as I come around wearing bruises and beatings like hidden tattoos...
You know they're there, but you never see them.
I've been told for so long that to be hit is normal
Only to have you look down on me for staying with a boy who does just that...
As if I am responsible for the words I was told.
The forever ringing of
If he hits me he likes me.
But it doesn't stop with me...
It affects him too.
You're words echo in him as he grows up.
At 8 years old,
"You hit her? You must think she's pretty!"
At 12 years old,
"You just need to learn how to show how you feel."
At 18 years old,
"You're not a man, hitting a girl. You need to grow up!"
At 28 years old,
"You hit her! You're so evil!"
You look on him as though you didn't teach him at the start.
You're words are what he heard
He heard you tell the little girls that he must like them
He thought it was normal, that it was ok.
You reinforced the idea that to hurt is to love.
He grew up thinking it was ok and yet he would grow up bearing a scar all the same.
He would grow up into a monster with a label as "dangerous".
His life is ruined as he ruins others' lives in a path a destruction paved by a society he doesn't control.
The hurting could have been stopped...
Instead you chose to say...
"If he hits you, he likes you."
"You must like her if you're so mean to her."
Sadly, in today's society girls and boys are taught that violence is a form of expression. While the words "if he hits you,he must like you." seem harmless when said to a child of 4 or 5, those words can begin a development of a thought process that tobe hit is to be adored.
Domestic violence is not bred into people, it is taught. Saying those words, to girls or boys, only supports the culture behind domestic violence. You teach boys that if he adores a girl, hitting reinforces that adoration. Instead of teaching boys that hitting is something to be avoided, teaching them to show adoration in ways like notes or flowers.
You laugh when a little boy hits a little girl in elementery schools. You chuckle through the words "boys will be boys." As a girl sits with bruises crying "mommy, he hit me!" No, boys will not be boys. The fact that it's a boy does not mean hey are less responsible for their violence.
When you teach children it's afectionate or funny to hit someone else, you are teaching them abusive behaviors. You are supporting and attributing to the continuation of domestic violence. No more "boys will be boys" or "if he hits you, it means he likes you."
Stop teaching violence as affection and stop the violence.
