I know what you're thinking: Hannah Baker? Another article about 13 Reasons Why...seriously? She's not a real person. She's fictional, and I'm tired of hearing about her and those tapes.

Yes, Hannah Baker is fictional, but she represents so many real people and real struggles. When I say "Hannah", I am referring to every single person who feels all hope is lost.

Some of you may also be thinking: Who is Connor Franta and what open diary? If you didn't know, he is a YouTuber, author, public speaker, artist, and member of the LGBTQ+ community; his open diary, Note to Self, is very inspirational and REAL.

I read 1/3 of my way through Note to Self after finding it on a very appealing display at Books-a-Million, but I put my reading on hold to binge watch Thirteen Reasons Why. Shortly after finishing the show, I had to know more of the original story behind Hannah Baker, so I picked up my brother's copy of Thirteen Reasons Why and read it in about two days between breaks at work; I again picked up and finished Note to Self shortly after. It's so funny, in a not so funny way at all, how these two books compliment each other. I just wish Hannah had read Note to Self, too.

First, I want to go into more detail on Hannah, our tragic narrator in Thirteen Reasons Why.

In this book (and show), we hear the voice of a dead girl. We learn why Hannah Baker, a high school student, kills herself. A person should never have thirteen reasons to kill themselves, but to people who have lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, having 13 reasons to die may seem more reasonable than having 13 reasons to live. 13 Reasons Why does not romanticize suicide like so many people claim, but it does bring to light a dark reality many adolescents, teens, and young adults face, which makes so many people uncomfortable. Throughout the whole book, you want to scream, "Hannah, I would care!" and "Hannah, please don't hurt yourself!". You want to comfort her. It makes you feel.

Being depressed isn't a "phase", and even though Hannah Baker is a fictional character, we need to take her voice recordings for truth. So many young girls and guys who face the same things Hannah Baker did—bullying, rumors, lies, assault, and rape—are told things like: "you're too sensitive", "you're going through nothing different than anybody else", and "well, did you tell him no?" They are pushed into thinking it is the inevitable high school experience, so they never seek help. They lose hope.

Hannah's downfall was her loss of hope. She had zero faith in anything or anybody. Hannah said, "everything affects everything" (202). This couldn't be more true, which is why you should know your words and actions towards others may affect them in serious ways, but it also means that lending a helping hand, showing an ounce of care, can be the start to pulling someone out of the dark. Hannah said, "[a] lot of you cared, but just not enough" (280). People never care enough, but we should.

Now, it's time for me to put more of Connor Franta and Note to Self into the mix.

Connor, a young, white, gay male, is very clear about his own personal traumas in his book, which he preludes with the following statement: "[t]hey say the truth will set you free, but what they neglect to mention is what happens when the truth isn't what you want to hear" (xi). This reminds me so much of Hannah's phrasing in her recordings, but Connor's diary ultimately provides something new: hope and growth. Full of early morning & late night journal entries, poems, and open letters to himself, we see his life (or more so how he views his life). Connor's spouts of depression are visible in many entries.

So much of the "old" Connor feels like Hannah. He writes: "I can't control anything. Things like this will happen regardless of whether I want them to or not. No notes of consideration will be sent to my door" (64). Would Hannah have recognized that she isn't the only one who feels she is never in control? But wait! Connor has a small solution for you Hannah: "we need to trust the greater unknown" because the unknown is not ALWAYS out to get us (65). In no way could an open diary full of meaningful advice have erased the trauma of Hannah's rape and ridicule, but it could have given her a sense of direction.

Would Hannah have realized all of her negative experiences and hopeless views of her future would one day shape her into an amazing person? Would she find hope in reading that none of it, not a single bit of it, makes her "broken, worthless, or expendable" and that she too, just like you & me, just like Connor, is "a bud covered in snow in the garden of [her] mind" (32, 33). She could think to herself, "Hannah, you will get through this, and you will be happy one day".

But you couldn't keep going, Hannah, because you couldn't trust the future. You couldn't bear the unknown—the possibility that everyone might always hurt you. But you know what? You CAN keep going. Connor thinks that "[you] can choose to either consciously live in fear of the unknown, or melt into life's warm embrace" (48). That is for you, Hannah.

Connor refers to his heart as his "North Star" (72). Hannah, I wish you could have followed your North Star, but no one told you to. I wish you could have stumbled across these words; maybe you would have kept giving life more chances.

I know some of us simply feel we can't find the power to pull through life like Connor, and even I face depression and anxiety more times than I want to, sometimes for no reason at all; for some, hope is hard to grasp, and reality is, well, not reality at all. Becoming more aware of mental health and understanding that depression and anxiety are not just for show—especially with our adolescents and young adults—can help us to be stronger together. When you finally find the confidence and self love you've been missing out on, when you can fight for what you deserve, overcome those who hurt you, and let go of self hate sparked over things that were never in your control, Hannah, be the light for others who are still lost.

People's thoughts about you and the things they say? They don't define you, nor do they make your life less valuable. Things you have done? That doesn't define you. Who you are now and what is in your heart now? THAT defines you, and you are worth every ounce of living, "Hannah".

*Sources: quotes pulled from Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher & Note to Self by Connor Franta*