If I Had My Small Loan (A Presidential Debate Parody)

Note: Anyone who has not seen or heard of Fiddler on the Roofwill not get this in the slightest. Here's the link to the original if it helps:

Dear God, you made many, many poor people.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor
But it's no great honor, either.
So what would have been so terrible if I had a small loan?

If I had a small loan,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dumb

All day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum
If I had a small loan
I wouldn't have to work hard,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dumb

If I had a biddy-biddy small,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle loan

I'd build a yuuuge penthouse with rooms by the dozen
Right in the middle of Manhattan,
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my yard with chicks and cigars and booze
And parties for the town to see and hear,
All squawking just as noisily as they can,
And each loud
"pa-pa-geeee! pa-pa-gaack! pa-pa-geeee! pa-pa-gaack!"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say, "I got a small loan."
Oh!

If I had a small loan,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dumb

All day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum
If I had a small loan

I wouldn't have to work hard,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dumb

If I had a biddy-biddy small,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle loan.

I see my wife, my sweetheart,
Looking like a supermodel wife,
With a Regina George chin,
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.

I see her putting on airs
And strutting like a peacock,
Oy! What a happy mood she's in,
Screaming at the servants day and night.

The most important men in town will come to fawn on me
They will ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise
"If you please, Mr. Baker?"
"Pardon me, Mr. Baker?"
Posing problems that would cross a holy man's eyes
Ya va voy, ya va voy voy vum

And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong
When you're rich they think you really know.

If I had a small loan, I'd have the time that I lack
To sit in the church and pray,
And maybe have a seat in the front pew,
And I'd discuss the learned books with the holy men
Seven hours every day
That would be the sweetest thing of all
Oh!

If I had a small loan,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dumb

All day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum
If I had a small loan.

I wouldn't have to work hard,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dumb

Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am
Would it spoil some vast, eternal plan,
If I had a small loan... that wasn't a student loan?

....

At the very least, could you get me a coffee?