Find Your Identity In God, Not Guys

Find Your Identity In God, Not Guys

You don't need a guy to define your life, or anyone for that matter!


As a student here at Texas A&M;, I sometimes feel like I'm more observant than I should be of other people and their situations. One of the common things I notice is girls going crazy over guys. I understand the occasional crush (or even fling for that matter), but this is different. I watch girl after girl go through guy after guy, seeking attention and love and affection, most of the times through sexual means, and it never works out in the end.

As a person who has been single for the entirety of her life, I've never really understood the need for a boyfriend. Sure, I would like one, but I don't need one to survive. But a lot of other people seem to need a boyfriend to get out of bed each morning. It breaks my heart. However, there is someone I know who can offer you everything you're looking for in a boyfriend, who won't break your heart. Ever. Are you interested??

Good. His name is Jesus. Here's why you should be chasing Him, not guys!

He will always love you.

Our most natural human desire is the desire to be loved. We seek love from our parents, our friends, even people we don't know. We crave attention and affection. The urge to seek love is also normal. We are structured to search for love. However, a lot of people get confused and search for love in all the wrong places. They seek love through men, money, sex, drugs, alcohol, you name it. I have watched girls go home with a different guy, every night, just so she feels like she's cared for. For even just a little while.

But what if I told you there was a guy who would always love you? Someone who will never leave you, or hurt you? Someone who can be your hero. His name is Jesus.

Now I know you may be thinking that I'm crazy and that there is no proof of His love for you. Jesus actually wrote us a love letter, the Bible, which was scribed through a few chosen people who could tell His love for you. We all love a good love letter, especially long ones. Here are some examples of God's love for you:

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." - Jeremiah 31:3

"Cast all your anxiety on Him who cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:18-19

He will always be with you.

We all long for a boyfriend who always wants to be with us. We want to be around them all the time, and do everything with them!! We crave and long for that attention, where someone wants to spend lengths of time with us. I don't know why, but it's meaningful. But oftentimes, we find ourselves in dead-end relationships where we're the main source of holding everything together, planning every outing, and continually being the one who asks to hang out.

It comes across as desperate, and most guys don't like it. Men have an innate need to chase girls. They want to be the one to seek you out and to ask you out. Sometimes they need a little hint, but if you're the only one who's ever initiating, he probably isn't that interested. However, Jesus doesn't care how often you call. He doesn't care how much time you spend with him, the more the better! Jesus loves being with you! Here are some examples of Him never leaving your side:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." - Matthew 28:20

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will never leave you or forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

He will never forsake you.

What does forsake really even mean anyway? God uses this word a lot in the Bible, but do you really know what it means? The best definition for the word is abandon. How many of you have been abandoned by a boy? Cheated on? Ghosted by? Left behind? I certainly have. I can tell you, first hand, that it's one of the worst feelings in the world. I've dealt with all three, up close and personal. And it hurts. There is nothing wrong with being hurt over what has happened to you. But then I realized I had a God who loved me 10 million times more. A God who promises me that He will never leave me, cheat on me, ghost me, leave me behind. No, He remains steadfast. Here are some examples of God remaining true to you:

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." - Deuteronomy 31:8

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you." - Isaiah 41:10

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you." - Isaiah 43:4-5

He will protect you, strengthen you, and build you.

In a relationship, the man is usually the protector. We as girls long for someone to fortify us, and protect us from harm. We also yearn for someone who will make us stronger (hopefully in faith), and someone who builds us up to feel better about who we are as individuals. Some of these traits can go both ways, where the girl can also build up the boy, where iron sharpens iron. However, often times, we can get torn down by a significant other, where they are passive, and don't take the time to care about us, or they are abusive, where they purposely hurt you to make you feel lesser about yourself.

In either situation, we tend to make excuses for our significant other, such as "Oh he'll take me out someday" or "The abuse isn't that bad". Stop. Stop making excuses. Start making changes. Trust in Jesus who loves you more than anyone else in the whole wide world. Here are some examples of Jesus and how He protects you and builds you:

"But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." - Psalm 86:15

"But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the Gentiles might hear. Also, I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever. Amen!" - 2 Timothy 4:17-18

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91:14

So, instead of chasing after boys, chase after God, who loves you more than anyone else could. He's the best you could ever have.



Popular Right Now

I'm A Christian Girl And I'm Not A Feminist, Because God Did Not Intend For Women To Be Equals

It is OK for me to not want to be equivalent with a man.


To start off, I am not writing this to bash feminists or get hate messages. I am simply writing this to state why I do not perceive myself as a feminist.

March is International Women's Month and that is what has got me thinking about how I view myself as a young woman in the 21st century. I enjoy every day getting to soak up the world as a young lady, particularly in the South.

If you know me, then you know that I love and utterly adore Jesus. He is so perfect. He is everything. He is my whole life. Some people might say that I am a "Bible-thumper" or someone who has had too much Kool-aid and maybe I am, but I know who my Creator is and that He died for me, and that is all that matters.

In my young age, I loved to just sit in church with my parents and absorb all that God would deliver. As I have grown up, I have ventured off and joined a church that is different than my parents, so the responsibility falls more on me, but I love that. Since this era of independence began, I have thoroughly enjoyed taking ownership of my faith.

I spend a lot of time chatting with God, worshipping Him in all kinds of ways, and just diving deeper into His Word. Through all of this growth as a Christian, I have learned a lot, but something I have learned is a concept that some may not agree with, which does not surprise me.

I do not believe God meant for women and men to be equal.

There, I acknowledged the elephant in the room.

It is a shocker, I know, but I have some Biblical evidence to back up this belief that I have.

Let us begin in Genesis. God created man and then he created woman. This was two separate occurrences and order is key. He created Adam and then Eve.

Jesus treated women with grace and kindness, do not get me wrong. I mean just look at how He treated the woman at the well, the one who used all of her expensive perfume to cleanse His feet and not to mention His own biological mother! He has a truly unique place in his heart for women, but He also has special intentions for us in the world and in the family setting.

We are to submit to our husbands.

We are to be energetic, strong, and a hard worker.

We are to be busy and helpful to those in need.

We are to be fearless.

All of this is explicitly laid out by God in Proverbs 31.

We are not to be equal to our male counterparts. Jesus does not lay out the Proverbs 31 man, but He rather lays out the Proverbs 31 woman.

A husband or man is to be the head of the household as Christ is to the church.

A man is to love a woman so deeply that represents how he loves himself.

A man is to leave his father and mother.

Women and men are not equal in God's eyes, but they each represent Him in their own ways that the other needs.

If we were all equal, we would not need one another and therefore we would not need God. I am so thankful that we were not created equal. I am so thankful that God is so great that He could not just create only man or woman to represent His image. He is so perfect.

So, you see I am not a feminist, and it is OK.

It is acceptable for me to have this belief that God intended for men to lead women. It is also okay for people to have differing opinions. Writing this was not easy, but I know that not all people agree.

To feminists and those that are not, you are allowed to believe whatever you wish but have evidence to back it up.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

You Ain’t Waiting For God To Bring You Your Dinner, You Get Up And Go Cook It

My words often get jumbled and don't make sense, so I figured writing it would help me come across clearly.


Dear guy friends of mine,

I want you to know how grateful I am for your friendship. Having close guy friends has helped me better understand men and learn how the male species operates. I've been able to ask you so many questions and you've responded with thoughtfulness, kindness, grace, and honesty. I appreciate your willingness to talk to me.

I want to encourage you in something, and with some of you I have tried, but I think I came across as a little crazy. From what I've been told by married women, guys are very afraid of actual crazy. You want your girl to have some crazy (because all women have at least a little bit of crazy), but you don't want her to be, like, crazy. I get that and respect that.

I want to encourage you to ask girls out. It's scary. You're afraid of rejection. I know this because several of you have told me so. I recently spoke with a guy who's been married for a few years and has a baby daughter. He told me that you guys are scared, you don't want to put your heart on the line and have it crushed. That's a good reason not to pursue girls: you'll remain safe and free from hurt if you don't put your feelings out there.

But here's the other side of it: You'll never find that girl if you never search for her. Now, I know that all things happen in God's timing and as imperfect humans, we can't force things to happen outside of God's timeline. However, Pastor Matt Chandler of The Village Church in Dallas, Texas said this in a sermon several years ago:

"But something's happened in evangelical circles where if you're single you're supposed to not want to be married, but be content in a spot and that's somehow more glorifying than following God's wiring of you to want a mate. And so in the end what happens is that you walk around like a liar. I mean, poor young ladies! Almost all of them have been told, "As soon as you're content, God will send you a man." So you've got hundreds of thousands of women running around acting content! "I'm content, where is he?" You've got other guys going, "You know, I'm just gonna wait for God to bring me the right one." Well, you ain't waiting for God to bring you your dinner, alright? You get up and go cook it."

Pastor Chandler goes on to say that he's not telling the guys to go on the hunt and prowl. No! He's telling guys that they have a role to play in pursuing a woman to marry. Girls have a role to play, too. Girls can't just hang out with their girlfriends in hopes that they'll lock eyes with Prince Charming while in the grocery store or walking their dog in the park. No, girls need to build up the guys in their lives and respect them by letting the guys be guys and giving them opportunities to be gentlemen. That's what I appreciate about you guys, my guy friends. You are such gentlemen and I love that. Don't be afraid to ask out the girl that you think is sweet, cute, pretty, funny, kind, silly, honest, loyal, and the right amount of crazy. You've got this!

Related Content

Facebook Comments