Since I have started college I have no time to read, and I barely have time to just free write. I don't have time to plan my outfits so that they represent me in the most fantastic possible way. I am not even sure what to call my style right now! I don't make time to just reflect on myself, as often as I know I should. I can't tell you when the last time I actually got to sit down and create something was. In the business and forever stressful months of my freshman year, I feel like I have hit an identity crisis.
Ah, the ever infamous, ever inevitable identity crisis. We all face it at some point, whether it's in the beginning of freshman year, middle or end. It happens to all of us. Freshman year is the perfect time to really experiment with your lifestyle, for example, how you choose to eat, what you do on the weekends with your friends, how late or early you go to bed, if you decide to go to class or not, and of course in college you have the perfect opportunity for reinventing yourself. But, for some of us the problem is before we know it we have already unconsciously reinvented ourselves and feel lost and out of place. We scramble for answers, to questions we thought we knew already like... What am I into? Why am I here? Why did I choose this to be my major? Who are my friends? Oh my gosh, who am I?
Yesterday morning I woke up, quite frankly feeling lost. I laid there thinking about all the things that I am. All the things that I wish I was. All the things that I used to be. I felt as though my imagination was leaking out of me, but not in a good way. I felt like my creativity was boring and not so creative. I felt un-unique, I felt un-original. I felt un... me. I spent my whole life developing my character, what is going on? I felt like the me I have grown up with was starting to fade away, and this new me was quickly surfacing. This my friends, is a prime example of an identity crisis. Of course doing the only thing I could do, I texted Phil (oh he's my boyfriend, I feel like I talk about him enough you deserve a name) he in return gave me some great advice. That of which, I am going to share with you...
"This is one of the biggest years in your life. Everything in your life has changed. New friends, new school, new ways of doing things. Do not judge yourself, it is only natural. If you want to see an identity crisis. Look at me my freshman year. I was a loser. I certainly didn't know who I was. But I'm not disappointed in myself. Because I knew I had to grow and see that weird side of me that I didn't like to fully find myself. Once I moved off campus and got my grounding sophomore year, that's when I began to flourish. So don't be hard on yourself. Your body is experiencing new things and needs to adjust. The year isn't even over! So enjoy this time of uncertainty. Embrace it, but know that you will find the true you eventually. You should write about it. So you can look back at your feelings. I wish I did. I wish I could read what I was thinking back then. Study people. I know damn well, half the people you look up to, did not just smoothly roll into who they are today. They had identity crisis's. They saw themselves as someone else. They hated themselves. They were confused and angry and sad. But they rode it out. They waited and were patient with themselves. And if I am one of those people who you say you look up to, you should know I'm happy with myself. Proud of who I am. I'm stressed but I can only assume that's a natural trait I'll carry with me. So just know I love you and I'll always be here to help. Life is weird. Embrace it. Just remember to keep growing and love yourself. You're hard on yourself and expect yourself to be perfect. That's good. But sometimes you have to remember you're only human. And hey maybe take sometime to practice art. Take a walk. Take deep breathes and take some photos or write I know it'll make you feel good."
Mic drop. No, but seriously, he is right. No matter how lost you feel right now, you will grow and learn from your freshman year self. As cliché as it is, you really do have to lose yourself, to find yourself. I hope you walk away from this article feeling a little more motivated to embrace the person you are becoming. Because even if you are unsure and a little lost, you will figure out who you are meant to be. And don't worry, you definitely are not the only one on this journey.
