People are going to let you down. They just will. It is an inevitable fact of life that comes just as easily as breathing. Human nature dictates that we are selfish, spiteful and sometimes outright mean. We are all intricately flawed and we make mistakes. People are going to hurt you, and the response to that hurt is what defines you.
Expecting someone to be the best version of themselves all of the time is reaching and naive. Expecting someone to try and be the best version of themselves, however, is not. Whether it is a significant other, a family member or a friend, we all have that one person that has wounded us deeply in some way. No person is better than another, but sometimes it is okay to acknowledge the fact that you are better than a situation.
So if you’ve been hurt (and I know you have), then you can relate.
1. They never apologized for hurting you.
You apologized multiple times for being angry about it, but they never said that they were sorry for doing it in the first place. It is clear that they didn’t care enough to own up to the mistake.
2. They tried to make a home out of you.
They attempted to bury themselves in your chest to get away. They stored their problems in you and expected you to sort through them. People are not homes, and you shouldn’t be a hideaway for someone because they are uncomfortable with where they are.
3. They set you on fire to keep warm.
They lit you up and watched you burn in order to feel better about themselves. The act of tearing you down and watching you suffer boosted their self-esteem in a way that tipped the scales drastically. They let you burn and then stomped you out when they no longer required your warmth.
4. They made you doubt yourself.
Being there for them made you lose sight of who you are. You got lost in the fog of their insecurities and started to become hyper aware of your own in the process. It is not fair that you have to hate yourself in order for them to love you.
5. They used you to replace someone else.
You are not a second choice and should refuse to even consider being placed on the back burner because they couldn’t make up their mind. You are not a placeholder until something better comes along or until they get what they actually want.
6. They didn’t know how to love you.
Any relationship involves give and take. They failed to recognize and appreciate your unique and personalized viewpoint of giving and receiving love. They took and took until there was nothing left and even you began doubting what genuine affection was.
7. They came back.
They drove you away and then decided to come crawling back. Right when you resolved to be fine, they disrupted your life and sent you spiraling again. Your comfort and happiness was never even given a thought. Sometimes loving you means leaving you alone and they couldn't do it.
Danielle Koepke summarizes the idea of disappointment and making mistakes nicely. She says, "Despite what you may believe, you can disappoint people and still be good enough... You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love... Everyone has disappointed someone they care about, not because we're inadequate or fundamentally inept, but because we're imperfect and fundamentally human. Expecting anything different is setting yourself up for failure."
While you are hurt and suffering from what they did, just remember that you are no better than them. However, you are better than the mistakes you both have made. As long as you are trying and learning, you are better than whatever happens.
