Writing in high school may seem stupid. These are high school thoughts inside a high school mind, but a struggle is a struggle, no matter who the person is.
For me, I struggled and continue to struggle with purpose and meaning. I spend a lot of time doing things in school like extracurriculars, sports, and clubs, only to find myself back at square one; I'm lost and confused with who I am and what I want to do with my life. Throughout school I never felt good at a specific thing, I never was an athlete or a theatre nerd. I never was the best at drawing or the best at music. I never felt like I excelled in anything specific and I thought that meant I never had a place in life. I saw all my friends getting better at what they enjoyed like sports and clubs, but I never improved. I felt stagnant and bland compared to everyone else. I remember saying to my close friend, "I'm not good at anything and I feel like what everyone else does defines them as a person and that makes me seem like nothing." I wanted to be good at something that made me stand out. I had this image in my mind for each person. Everyone I knew had their "thing". I felt like a let down for not being solely good at one thing. I put too much pressure on myself to do well at school and strive to do amazing that I forget to have fun on the way.
My freshman year of high school was an eye-opener. I was introduced to new clubs, new activities, and new people. I felt that I was thriving and that I would easily find my place. But as years went on, I still had no idea what I was specifically good at or what I wanted to do in my life. Everyone around me had an idea on what they want to do and I still felt lost. What was ingrained in my mind was that I needed to know what I was good at to know who I was and where I stood. I never thought of anything else.
Sophomore year I had the same ideology. I struggled to find my place in life and to know my purpose. Knowing I am still a high schooler, I wasn't thinking about my purpose in life, but rather what I wanted to do with it. My goal was to know what I wanted to do with my life by the end of my sophomore year. Throughout that year I was met by many people who knew what they wanted to be. My friends in theatre wanted to make it to Broadway and had plans to go to a college and major in performing arts. My friends who excelled academically were looking to find careers in that area. I still felt lost. I was in theatre, but I wasn't good enough to pursue it as a career. I was good at history but didn't seem like the person to become a teacher. I was so confused and lost and aggravated with myself. I didn't have any idea with what I wanted to do in college and with my life after.
Junior year eventually rolled around and I still found myself in the same headspace as the years before. "I need to be good at something, or I don't know who I am." I kept finding myself wondering and worrying about what I wanted to pursue in college and in life. I was still confused. But I remember specifically about a month ago, a close friend told me that it didn't matter if I was good at anything specifically as long as I was having fun that's what mattered and life would fall in place after. I know for most people that seemed like an obvious answer to all my worries, and it should have been obvious to me. But for people who find themselves in the same position as me, I want to share my experience. Although I don't know what changed my ideology from being lost and confused to happy and content with myself, I can assure anyone who was in my position that no one needs to be good at something to know who they are or who they will become. As long as you are happy with yourself, that's all you can ask for. Happiness will guide your path to success and fulfillment in the future. While some cases may be different for other people, I still believe happiness will help you find your meaning in life
