I remember the day like it was yesterday.
June 27, 2005.
I was 10 years old. I had been sent home sick from camp, and I was laying in bed when the call came in that there was not much time left. My mom left me at home and rushed to the hospital to be with you.
The fact that I could not be there with you absolutely killed me and still haunts me to this day. Not only did I lose my grandmother that day, but I lost my best friend.
I experienced my first death in the family at the age of five, and then again at the age of seven. By now, this was my third time experiencing losing a grandparent. It was one of the hardest. I am not saying that I loved my other grandparents any less, but we had a special bond.
It broke my heart to realize I had lost one of the most important women in my life. I lost the woman who would somehow show up at my front door every time I needed her most. The woman who called me her "precious and beautiful". The woman who would make me feel like the most important girl in the world. The woman I could count on for a Thursday night visit after dinner at the China Buffett.
Everyone always says "the pain will get easier." Yes, that's true. But the pain will never go away. Here we are 13 years later, and I'm still experiencing a similar feeling to the day you left.
I've thought about all the things that will never happen. You would never see me graduate from middle school, high school, or college. You'd never see me all dolled up and taking my pictures for prom. You'd never see me walk down the aisle and say "I do". You'd never get to see or meet my future children. In person, that is.
You send me gifts in the form of a butterfly whenever I need them most. Right after you passed, you came with us to Florida in the form of a butterfly. Just recently, you visited me again in the form of one as well. Not the ugly moth butterflies, but instead, the bright and beautifully colored ones.
Regardless of the many things you won't be there for, I am thankful. I am thankful for the 10 years I got to spend with you. I am thankful for the thousands of memories you left me with. I am thankful for all the times you filled the room with your laughter and the times that you knew the right thing to say.
But most importantly, I am the utmost thankful for being able to call such a wonderful woman my grandmother. You were, and always will be my number one!