I Knew It Was

I knew it was getting bad again

When the water bottles by my bed

Turned into a mountain of used

Plastic

Waiting to be picked up.

I knew it was getting bad again when the bed I slept in at

Night

Became the bed I laid in

All day.

I knew it was getting bad again

When I turned on the shower

Just to stand there

To feel the water

To remind me

I was here.

When the energy depleted from me

Brushing my hair in the morning

To not brushing it

At all.

When the clothes got dirty

And all I did was throw them

In the corner

For another day.

When the dishes in the sink

Depleted

Because I stopped eating

Or when the cabinets

Were empty

Because I ate everything.

I knew it was getting bad again

When the playlists turned sad.

When the songs spoke of

Letting you go.

When I listened to songs

That made me feel closer to

You.

When the fatigue enveloped me

And the little voice in my head

Got louder.

When the nights got longer

The days shorter

The homework harder

The smiles few and far between.

I knew I was getting bad again

When I found it hard

To even talk to the people

I love the most.

When I couldn't even tell people

I was having a hard time

Because I didn't want to let them

Down.

Sometimes it's easy to know

When the hard days

Start getting harder.

Is it the changing seasons?

The difficulty of school?

Social troubles?

It is all of it

Wrapped in a blanket

Waiting for someone

To

Just

Hold

On.

Sometimes it's harder to know

When the days turn to nights

When the darkness

Gets darker.

Are you burnt out?

Are you tired?

Or are you done?

Telling people around you

Makes you feel as if

You're dropping the heavy bricks

In your book bag

On their feet.

You see

You cannot

Let them

Down.

You have to keep a smile on your face

You have to pretend

You have to isolate yourself

When you get sad.

NO

You do not.

You see

I knew it was getting bad again

When I couldn't get out of

Bed in the morning.

When I woke up

Screaming your name

From the nightmares.

When I couldn't read

A sentence

Without feeling you

Near me.

You see?

It is getting bad again.

And maybe that's okay

Because the seasons change

The tides come in

The birds go home

And it will all be okay.

You do not have to hold it in

Or keep it to yourself

Or pretend

Or ignore your emotions.

You can talk to someone

Anyone

You see

People love you.

People care.

You may not feel it today

But it is true

That if you

Make that choice

You will only

End the possibility of

It getting any better.

I know it's hard

To think right now

But please

Hopefully it will get better.

So yes

It may be getting bad again

But there will be people

Here

Waiting with you for

When it gets better

Again

Too.