Dear Seasonal Depression,
As the weather got colder I realized you made your return. The same time every year you begin to shut me down until spring peaks months later. And once that one semi-nice day that randomly appears in winter, you know, the one day where it's 55 degrees and sunny, I realize just how good the outside and fresh sunlight feels. That one fresh day in the middle of all this cold and snow reminds me that spring is coming soon and with it, your demise. So Seasonal Depression, so unbelievably ready for the end of winter and the end of you.
I'm ready for the days where I don't lie in bed for hours and hours on my days off and struggling to get up on time on the days that I work. I'm tired of staring at my phone screen for hours in my bed rather than doing anything productive at all, even for my own needs like eating breakfast or finally getting up to go to the bathroom. I'm thrilled for the days where a nap is just an hour because I'm a little tired, not three or four just to make the day go by quicker.
I'm ready for the days where I don't feel sluggish, the days where my energy is just so damn low, the days where I'm just exhausted all the time. I'm tired of just making it through the day, feeling agitated during all the times where I don't feel sad. And I'm equally tired of my lack of concentration lately since my mind wonders a lot more because of you.
I'm ready for the days where I can start sleeping well again. You see, Seasonal Depression, since you've arrived I've had just as much trouble falling asleep as I do getting up in the morning. My nights are spent being restless and overthinking pretty much every little thing since you've joined me.
I'm ready for the days where I can shed all the weight I put on because of you. You know, with the overeating and the stress eating, and the not being hungry for meals but for snacks late at night. I'm ready to walk the reservoirs, run on treadmills, bike the mountains, express the need to release all this energy I haven't had since you settled in with the cold.
I'm ready for the days where my love and interest in my hobbies can shine instead of sitting in the back of my head in the forms of hopeful ideas. I'm tired of never wanting to do the things I loved and I'm so ready to jump onto projects that I have been sitting on.
You see, Seasonal Depression, I'm really tired of you pulling me down. I don't want these feelings of emptiness and sadness, I don't want to lay in my bed for hours when my hobbies and friends are waiting for me, and I certainly don't want these thoughts that being dead would be better than this. I'm done with you soon. Once winter ends, you'll slowly fade away and I'll be able to smile just a little more every single day.
That is.... until you come back next year...