Dear James,

I know you will most likely never see this, but I must get it off my chest.

I know we are no longer together, and I'm okay with that. Somewhat. I know you're not good for me and I know that I shouldn't want you, but some part of me still does. You're the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. I never expected for us to happen. I remember countless nights before we got together, staying up late talking about nonsense, telling all my friends it wouldn't work out and i didn't want to be with you.

But part of me knew we would become something great. The day we got together was a day I'll never forget. We were hanging out, like normal, and you put your and on my face and i knew this was it, the moment I've been secretly waiting for. You asked me out and I looked into those sweet green eyes of yours and I knew my answer was yes. From then on, the first months were absolutely amazing. You cared about me, i could trust you with everything, and you were home for me. Whenever I needed someone, it was always you. After the first few months, you began to hurt me. Not physically, but mentally. But by then you already had me wrapped around your finger.

My parents knew you were bad, so did my friends, but the worst part was that even YOUR friends told me to stay away, but I wanted them all to be wrong. I wanted to show them all how great you were and how great we could've been. I regret not listening to them when I had the chance. You hurt me, so much, that nights I would cry myself to sleep, but you convinced me that that's whats supposed to happen, and that you loved me. I'm not saying I regret dating you, but I regret planning my future around you. You were going through so much, and I wanted to help, I wanted to be the one to fix your problems. But that's the issue, it was only you I was worried about. I never cared for myself the way I should've, and it took a toll on me. Looking back now I see all the signs and how I should've left. A year and a half of my life I spent with you, well when we were together and not petty breaking up.

I will always remember the day you cheated on me. I was mad at her and blamed her for so long, but I realize now it was your fault, you could've and should've said no. That should have been my first sign to leave, but you somehow convinced me that I would be nothing without you, so I went on believing that. After months of back and forth, I finally ended things. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. After weeks of crying I finally got over it. Then I saw the picture of you and her. I don't know what I was expecting, I knew you would find someone new, like all your friends told me you did after EVERY relationship. I went in a downward spiral. I spent a week in bed crying my heart out. I soon realized you still had me wrapped around your finger. I tried getting with someone else and it worked, for a little, until I looked into his eyes and they weren't yours. God I wanted it to be you I was with, not him. He was just another boy to use me. I talked to all my friends and I came to the realization it wasn't you that I was upset over, it was that I had no one to go to. You were once my everything, my best friend, my lover, but that all changed. I will be completely honest with you, some nights I still cry wondering why I ever left, even though I know damn well why I left, and i'm glad I did. At this point I'm more in love with the memories that we had, instead of you. I like to forget how horrible you were to me but I need to remember that I never wanna feel that type of hurt again.

I can never look at green eyes the same. I can never smell your signature sent again, lavender with a hint of peppermint, because your mom loved using essential oils all over your house. But this is okay, because now when I see something that reminds me of you, or hear a song we would scream out the window as we drove, I can think of our good times and how you shaped me into a better person, and I am honestly thankful for that.

I'm glad we crossed paths, and that we spent so much of our time together, but it's time for me to move on now. I will soon be with someone who loves me even more than you did, and who treats me much better than you ever could. I hope you are happy, and I truly mean it. You deserve the world. You changed me for the better. I may still cry every once and awhile about you, but that's okay. I'm allowed to hurt. But I will not give you the satisfaction. I still care about you and I'm here for you, but I need to live my life now. I can't keep holding onto memories of us. This is goodbye for now, and if our paths somehow cross in the future, I hope you're a better person. Who know what the future holds, but if I keep holing onto the past I will never find out. A part of me will always care and love you because you were my first everything, but now I must make my own path and my own future. If my future somehow includes you down the road, then that is amazing, but I also know that if it doesn't, I'll be okay. Because all i need is me.

Love always,

Sara