Obviously, cats are a blessing to Earth, and we are not worthy of their presence. For those who don't personally know me, I would consider myself to be a cat whisperer, meaning all cats love me. It's a gift, really. Sometimes I think I could have my own reality TV show on Bravo or TLC documenting my talents. I adore cats, and I'm not afraid to show it. It's true, I'm the girl who sends way too many Snapchats of her cats, and frankly, I don't care how you feel about it.
Unfortunately, being a woman who enjoys the company of cats and expresses it openly comes with a cost—the "crazy cat lady" stereotype. I'm well aware that whenever I tell someone I prefer cats, they see "single forever" written on my forehead or they picture me sitting in a rocking chair with 35 screeching cats frolicking around. If someone were to cast me in a television show, I would totally be Angela from "The Office." I promise I don't own 500 cats, although sometimes it doesn't sound that bad. I am a perfectly normal human being, but I have a soft spot for the furry feline.
It's not that I don't love other animals, because I really do. If I see an animal on the street or randomly at a party, there is no doubt I will approach it. I'm like Buddy from the movie "Elf," except I have yet to be attacked by a wild raccoon or talk to a narwhal. In hindsight, petting random animals probably isn't the smartest thing to do, but as the wise philosopher Drake said, "YOLO." The fact of the matter is, if I had to pick one animal to live with for the remainder of my life, it would be a lazy and moderately overweight cat.
When it comes to kitties, I don't need them to fill some deep emotional void in my life. I mean, I'm a nineteen-year-old college girl who likes to go out, meet new people and socialize just like everybody else. I work hard, but I also love to have fun. WOW. Take a moment to let that sink in, because I know, its unheard of that a girl can like cats without being emotionally unstable or have a list of ex-boyfriends she wants to murder.
Even if it may be challenging, hopefully one day I'll find a significant other who appreciates the occasional cat GIF and YouTube video as much as I do. I mean, if Lauren Conrad can be a cat lady who found a man, I have hope too, right? Alright, maybe that's a little too far-fetched. I'm guessing once this article is published, my chance of finding a guy will significantly decrease. Although I would consider myself to be an independent woman who doesn't need a man, I would gladly take a fuzzy cat companion to watch Netflix with, mainly because they won't judge me no matter how many episodes of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" I watch. Some may wonder why I love cats so much. Honestly, I could go on and on. For the sake of your sanity and your opinion of me, I'll keep it short.
Perhaps I adore cats so much because I'm in envy of the life they live. It's the ultimate lifestyle. Majority of the time, they're eating, playing or sleeping. If they're not sleeping for a subtle 18 hours a day, they're either sunbathing or purposely being an inconvenience to their owners. When a sudden wave of ambition does strike them, they will move for maybe two minutes to chase a laser on the wall. Cats have absolutely nothing to worry about, except for a dog from time to time or the occasional hairball. I have never witnessed my cats pondering over trivial life decisions or having a mental breakdown about student loans and exams. Felines never need to get a job, learn how to file taxes or figure out what a 401k even is. Furthermore, the fatter and furrier the cat, the better. Unfortunately, humans don't exactly live with the same social standards. What a life that would be, am I right?
On the topic of cats having no worries, cats could absolutely not care less if a person likes them or not. They are indeed the Kanye West of small household animals. This arrogance perhaps stems from being worshiped and buried next to ancient Egyptian kings and queens. Their cockiness and judgmental glances are a part of what makes them so spectacular. It's quite a messed up psychological game because you're not quite sure if your cat hates you and is plotting your demise. I'm well aware that my two cats believe they are superior to me, and I willingly accept it because they are so darn cute. To cats, humans are their servants. I'm positive my one cat, Frankie, only approaches me so that I will fill up her food bowl.
Owning a cat is weirdly similar to that awkward stage of getting to know someone you're interested in, but you two aren't exactly an official item. Do they like me or not? Should I text or is that too forward? As you can probably guess, I give greater advice about cats than relationships and dating. But, what I have noticed is eerily similar between the two is that its all about the chase—the pursuer and the pursued. Except when you own a cat, the chase never ends.
Obviously, cats are the ones playing hard-to-get and the owners are metaphorically trying to make the moves. If you try too hard to get their attention, you'll just end up scaring them away or pissing them off. The same goes for boys. You can't be too open because you'll just set yourself up for heartbreak, like when your cat openly rejects you. Sometimes, the timing is right and you're finally worthy of a cat's attention and admiration. Congratulations, you are now a worthy human in their eyes. Relish this moment quickly, because they will soon become bored and try to bite and claw the crap out of your hand.
To be completely honest, I believe I love cats because they embody my personality, but in a cuter and more svelte body. I am super laid back, independent, sassy and a little weird. Cats are my spirit animal. They do what they want, when they want and they do not care about anyone's opinions. If they want to knock over a cup for absolutely no reason, they will. If they get yelled at for it, they're going to do it again. When they don't want to see someone, they can run under bed or hiss passive aggressively. If they feel like ignoring someone, they're going to do it. If I tried to do that, I'd find myself reading passive aggressive tweets and text messages. Cats can get away with anything they want. You know why? Because they're a cat. It's a cat's world, and we're all just living in it.
