My entire life my Faith has been questionable. I didn't grow up in church. I didn't have that cute Sunday morning that I hope to have with my family one day. I didn't know a single verse until a few months ago.
Let me tell you, it was rough. It was hard to see everyone around me have full Faith in a man that I was convinced didn't exist. But over the years, I've changed my mind.
When my Grandmother passed away, I was mad at God because how could a man who loves me take away someone from me. I kept that mindset for longer than I care to admit. On the day of her funeral, an orange butterfly appeared, and every day I've been to her grave since then, or missed her, or drove by her old place, I see an orange butterfly. I wanted to believe.
When I overdosed, and was at the lowest point a person could be, I prayed to get better. He heard, and he gave me the opportunity to get better. I started to believe.
I think we miss the point of why He does things the way He does. A couple of weeks ago I saw a video about how when you ask God for a cake, he gives you flour, milk, a mixer, and an oven, yet we get upset and question Him because we didn't get the cake.
When asking to become patient, God will not give you that trait, but He gives the opportunity to have patience.
A couple of months ago I was asked if I believed in God, my answer was I don't know. The more I thought back, the more I realized that I got everything I prayed for, and the things I didn't get were only because I didn't take the opportunity to have it. I finally believed.
For years I felt like I couldn't sin or I wouldn't be Christian, I felt like I had to be perfect, until I realized I sin everyday, just as much if not more than everyone else. I fall short, I doubt His love sometimes, I worry, and that is okay. Christians aren't perfect, we're loved.
Over the past few months I've allowed myself to feel His love, to learn and to grow closer to Him. For a while, I had no hope that growing my Faith would fill the void I had, until it did. I stopped worrying, I now know that at the end of it all I am His. He will not leave me behind, no matter how many times I fall short.
I am a Christian, maybe not a very good example of one. I drink too much, I cuss more than I should. I fall short everyday, but that's what Grace is for.
After a few months of listening to the people around me, listening to the Pastor, and allowing myself to feel His love without hesitation, I know that when I worry, to lay it at His feet, when things get too heavy, hand it to Him, and when I fall short, have Grace.
I am Christian, I'm not perfect, far from it, and I'm starting to think that's okay. I realized it's never "too late" to let Him in and to lay it all out for Him. He doesn't limit your chances, and He's going to welcome & love you without hesitation.
