Almost four years ago, I was shaking with fear thinking about even flying alone. I used to convince my parents to make our seats together on flights because I was scared to even be near someone I didn't know. Little did I know at that point, I would be taking these flights and meeting thousands of people on a daily basis. I didn't give myself enough credit for my strength, it was much easier for me to tell myself that the goal would be way harder to obtain. I was scared to disappoint others yet even more terrified to let myself down, which kept me up at night. There would be too many thoughts about what could happen "if this went wrong" and not enough of "what if this goes right". My parents were always supportive and never questioned my capability to take on situations no matter how difficult or foreign.
It was me, it was always the voice inside of my head that told me differently. There was never anyone who questioned my abilities or told me that I wasn't able to do something. The second that I defined my own strength, I knew I was able to do just about anything in this world. It came with time, and mistakes as well as different situations that would bring out the worst to the only search for the best. The tears and anger were only pushing me more towards figuring out how I could become the best version of myself on all levels. It was the day that I didn't let my anxiety control my decisions that I felt different. I still struggle with maintaining confidence in my abilities due to my past, yet I don't allow that to have a hold over my happiness. Don't get me wrong, this has never been easy but it has been necessary. I've seen myself become the person who I've always wanted to be which is such an overwhelmingly great feeling.
There are days that I don't feel my best and anxiety knocks on the door, yet the good days definitely outweigh the bad. Everyone has a different experience with anxiety or just feeling nervous or anxious in situations in general. It's okay, and I wish that I was able to tell myself that all of those feelings were valid. Now that I'm older and more understanding of my own feelings, I'm able to find the strength in my mind to allow myself to cry or just talk about what's going on in my head. The more that I externalize my feelings and worries, the better I am able to find ways to cope and progress. It's okay to admit that you're not perfect because that's how you grow the most. I'll always do what I can to push forward and get through the rough days because I know a beautiful one is always coming.
