I was raised Catholic. When I was a child, I went to CCD (Catholic Catechism and Doctrine) class every Wednesday during the school year and every week day over the summer. In my summer classes, there was a little boy named Matthew* who was mentally handicapped. The first day I started these classes, Matthew was absent. That day, the instructor gave us a lesson on The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. She explained that we had one student in our class who was a little different than the rest of us and may occasionally say or do strange things. She told us that we needed to follow Jesus's teachings and treat Matthew with kindness, love, and respect as each of us wished to be. Sure, Matthew was different from the rest of us, but he was still a person with the human need for compassion and acceptance. He didn't choose to be different, and that was ok, God made us all different for a reason. None of us wanted to be made fun of or called names so it would be very unchristian to do so to him.
The next day, Matthew attended class with us and we made sure that he felt included and accepted. We sat with him at lunch, we played with him during recess, we cheered him on in sports. We understood that Jesus wanted us to be kind, so we were. It didn't matter that he was different, sometimes it just happens and you have to roll with the punches and do the best you can with the hand you are dealt.
By the time I hit middle school, I started to realize some things about myself that were different. Most of the other little girls had crushes on male actors and singers. I did too, but I started to feel the same attractions to the female ones as well. By this time, I started to hear rhetoric about how men who like other men and women who like other women are sinners and perverts. I would see the Westboro Baptist Church on TV protesting the funerals of gay soldiers and children who were killed for being gay. I was terrified because I had some same-sex attractions and could not help it, but how was I a sinner and a pervert? I was very religious at the time and still very involved in the church, but felt like I couldn't really talk to anyone. I started to feel angry and hurt. I remember the way the instructor told us about how Matthew was different and that we needed to be kind and make him feel loved for who he is as his difference wasn't in his control. My bisexuality wasn't in my control, so why was I made to fee ashamed by the same institution? How could something out of my control send me to burn in hell for eternity? Didn't God make me too?
In the end, I was very lucky. I eventually went to theatre camp where I met other girls and boys who were like me. I met loads of LGBT+ people and it felt ok that I was different. I found people who accepted me and made me realize that I wasn't a terrible person because I happened to be different. Many LGBT+ youths are not quite so lucky. 40% of transgender people commit suicide and half of those suicides occur before age 20. Gay kids are beaten to death for simply walking down the street holding hands with their partners. Children are kicked out of their homes for coming out to their "good Christian" parents. I am still not out of the closet to a lot of my family because a part of me is still scared that somehow I will not be accepted. It sucks. I haven’t identified as a Christian for quite some time now. Honestly, a lot of the anti-LGBT+ rhetoric is what caused me to step away from the church. It wasn't in line with what I thought being Christian meant, and if justifying hatred is a part of Christianity, I want no part in it.
One of my best friends in college, John*, was not so lucky. He was a good kid. He studied hard and did well in school, he was kind to the people that crossed his path, he wouldn’t even touch alcohol until he was legally allowed to do so. Most parents would kill to have a kid like him. His “good Christian” parents didn’t see it that way. John was gay. His parents knew about it on some level and made sure to let him know how disgusted they were of LGBT+ people and how they would not hesitate to cut off any family member that comes out to them. At the end of my senior year, John’s long distance boyfriend moved to Dallas to be closer to him. After many close calls, John decided to just come out to his family. The second he did, his family cut him off. They wouldn’t even speak to him. He had to drop out of school and move out of his apartment. He quickly lost touch with us. He stopped answering his phone, he dropped off social media, he wouldn’t respond to emails. Honestly, not a day goes by that I don’t think of my friend. Is he ok? Is he even still alive? John’ story isn’t uncommon. Many LGBT+ youths face these very real threats. “Good Christians” all over seem to think that this is an acceptable thing to do to their children.
Recently, we have made a lot of strides for the LGBT+ community. The supreme court ruled in favor of marriage equality, major retailers did away with gendered labeling of the toy aisles, and some of the most popular shows on television feature LGBT+ characters who are positively portrayed. Unfortunately, progress is not a straight line and for every step forward, our country has taken two steps back. Many states have tried to pass "religious freedom" laws to exempt people in both the public and private sectors from providing services to LGBT+ individuals, North Carolina and Alabama have made it illegal for transgender individuals to use the bathroom of their preferred gender. Hell, Alabama doesn't want trans people to use public restrooms at all unless they want to risk up to six years in prison for the crime of peeing. Kentucky has decided to issue "separate but equal" marriage licenses to gay couples. The legislators that are pushing these laws claim that their Christian faith allows them to treat others with complete disregard just because they happened to be born different. How is this following the path of Jesus? Is this what he meant by love thy neighbor? I don't think so.
When I speak out about these things on social media, I immediately have several “good Christian” friends who give me all sorts of pseudoscience articles about how LGBT+ people are mentally ill or that they choose that particular “lifestyle.” Being LGBT+ is not a “lifestyle,” goth is a lifestyle, hippie is a lifestyle, those are things that you can change, you can’t change being LGBT+, it’s just a thing that happens. Nobody wakes up one morning and thinks “gee, I think a life of discrimination and the high risk of being the victim of a hate crime sounds fun!” It’s not a thing that happens. These same “good Christians” like to assure me that they love me as well. After all, you are supposed to hate the sin and love the sinner, right? While that might work for your brother who steals from your mom’s wallet to support his drug habit, it does not work for this. Inherent qualities, by nature, cannot be sins. Sins are choices, having same-sex attractions isn’t a choice. If you’re going to hate my “sin” of being bisexual, you may as well hate my “sin” of being short or having blue eyes. That’s what you are saying to these people. You “good Christians” are telling people that they are just born evil and there is nothing they can do about it. That’s not ok. Love isn’t about picking and choosing which parts of a person are acceptable. Love is about understanding and compassion. Love is about respecting and accepting people for who they are and embracing their differences, not demonizing them.
That trans woman in the stall next to you isn't a man in a dress who is waiting to catch a glimpse of you with your pants down, she was just born a little different than you and is coping with the hand she was dealt. She is in there to use the toilet and maybe touch up her makeup and fix her hair, just like you are. She isn't a pervert, she just has to pee. She has probably faced far worse than you can even imagine. Most states don't have protections for trans employees, so she may have had to resort to prostitution just to keep a roof over her head and feed herself. She faces the possibility of being beaten or murdered by men who might find her attractive. If she is somehow able to afford to have sex reassignment surgery, she may have to travel to a different country that might not have the same health standards as ours does. And after all that, people want to make her life even more difficult by refusing to even let her pee in peace? Some want to alienate her so much that she doesn't even feel safe stepping out her door and takes her own life? That isn't love.
By supporting these laws, you add to the unnecessary deaths and beatings. By refusing to refer to transgender celebrities by their preferred names and pronouns, you are telling every transgender person that their existence is a joke. When you talk about how disgusted you are by LGBT+ people, you provide one more voice in the chorus telling LGBT+ youths that they are unworthy of living. You may as well be putting a loaded gun in their hands and asking them to pull the trigger. People wouldn't dare tell someone like Matthew that he was unworthy of respect and compassion, so why do think it's so acceptable to treat LGBT+ people in this way. How is Mattew any different from John? If you "just don't get the whole trans thing," then pick up a book, talk to someone, educate yourself. We get that it’s hard to wrap your head around things that are out of the ordinary, things that you cannot experience for yourself. Just talk to us, we’d be more than happy to help you understand. Spread Christ's love and understanding, not hatred. These are real people, not concepts. These are actual flesh and blood human beings and people are hurting them and that's not what Jesus would have wanted. Do better.
*names changed to protect identity
