I'm not mad. I don't want to start a fight when I hear your name. I don't want to punch a wall until my fists bleed and the wall is just as destroyed as my heart. I don't want harm to come to you. I want all the best in life for you because what we had was special. That instant bond is rare and I cherish it still.

But I'm sad. I'm the type of sad where when I hear about you I need to sit down because my heart won't stop aching. I'm the type of sad where you need to cry but you can't because you're so overwhelmed with feeling. I'm the type of sad no one ever wants to feel because the emotion is so deep and I can't see where it will end. From what I see it seems to me that our bond never existed to you. From what I hear all I did was hurt you. From what I feel...is numbness from all the times I try to forget your name. Seems like every day is a new day to forget, but all that's happening right now is regret. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to lose you. But I did.

Here I am suffering consequences, wondering how I will ever be able to explain my pain, while you sit and cry in your pain. When I needed you the most you weren't there. When you needed me the most, you wouldn't let me be there.