Hurting people, hurt people.

Hurting people, hurt people.

Just because somebody hurt your feelings, doesn't mean that they felt nothing.
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We have all experienced it: pain. We know pain like the dull edge of a knife: it is around us everyday. We are almost always suffering with some sort of pain, whether it is prevalent or not. When we feel pain, we have a desperate urge to unload it, to get rid of it somewhere else. Now, think of a time where you had been suffering. Think about the relief you felt lashing out on somebody, simply because you were suffering, and especially if they were the cause of your suffering. Why do we feel justified when we place our hurt on other people?

Because hurting people, hurt people.

We act thoughtlessly at times. We lash out, we say things we don’t mean, and we take the people we love down in our wake. Most of the time, we don’t mean what we say, but we say it anyways because of the relief that we experience when we say it. We don’t want to hurt each other, but we simply do not know how to let go of our own hurt without projecting it onto others.

A prevalent example of this is when you begin a relationship with somebody new. We are still learning the in’s and out’s of the other person, and it can be tough. Especially when you are piecing back together the remnants of the last person who loved them. When they lash out, be mindful that it is not always reflective of the kind of person they are, but perhaps how they have been treated before. Try to find the root of their suffering before casting judgement. Be patient, and trust the process. Recognize how you have both been hurt, and learn from it.

Along the same lines, are couples who have been together for any amount of time and will experience this too. They get into a vicious cycle of only recognizing the pain that their partner places on them, and not the pain that they cast back. In time, this creates a mutual wounding, and not being able to recognize this dynamic can be detrimental. Rather than taking each other in your wake, consider seeking solutions, rather than harboring resentment.

We are all on a journey, each one of us very different from our peers. Therefore, we will not always be able to understand somebody else's journey. However, even if we do not understand, we can still empathize. That means, when we can recognize that when people lash out at us, it is because they are hurting, not because of the type of person that they are. Take a moment to reflect, and ask somebody; “I can see you are hurting, how can I help you?”. If we all can exhibit kindness when we are faced with adversity, we will see a difference in how others respond.

So, the next time that somebody hurts you, don’t assume it is because of the kind of person they are. Look at the situation from a different point of view, and see that perhaps the person who has been hurting you is only doing so because they have been hurt before. When there are people you just cannot get along with, and they seem to be impossible to reach out to, remember that hurting people hurt people, and by taking ownership, and expressing kindness and love, we can stop the cycle.

Cover Image Credit: http://d1aeh7hxqn8xf9.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/how-jesus-crossed-all-boundaries-in-order-to-reach-a-single-hurting-person-940x629.jpg?7489a8

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5 Things I Really Wish I Knew ~Before~ Losing My Virginity

Advice to our younger selves.
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Everyone has a first time. We're all at different stages of our lives when it happens, which impacts how we approach the situation and how we feel about it immediately after and in reflections. Some people idealize their first time, some people regret it, some people feel nothing about it. I agonized over my virginity.

I wanted nothing more than to throw it at the first willing participant. I felt that it made me someone inferior to my friends who had already had sex, like somehow I was missing out on some great secret of life or somehow I was less mature than them. I spent a lot of time wishing it would just happen, and then one day, it did when I wasn't expecting it. I don't regret my first time, but because I had wished for it to happen for so long, I had built up this image in my head of how it would be that was completely unrealistic.

So, this is for those girls like me whose imaginations get the best of them. Here are some tips to ease your worries and prepare you for what it's really going to be like.

1. It's going to be awkward.

Not just the first time, every time. No matter how much porn or how many blogs or erotic fiction you read, you will not have any idea what you're doing. The other person probably won't, either. There are too many variables, and you're both so concerned with doing it well, you'll be focused on too many things to properly control your limbs.

2. Don't think about your body.

The angles that are required for things to work leave both participants in awkward positions with limbs in strange places. Don't look at your body; don't even think about where your limbs are. Just keep your eyes and mind on the other person and what they're doing and how you're feeling. If you're feeling bad, let them know, so you can change it. If you're feeling good, enjoy it.

3. Don't do it drunk.

Not even a little tipsy, at least not for the first few times. Alcohol throws in another variable and another reason your limbs are flailing listlessly on top of other unforeseen complications. Just wait until you've had a little practice to introduce alcohol into the mix. You want to actually remember your first time and understand what's going on.

4. You're not going to feel any different after.

I expected to feel a weight being lifted or some newfound maturity, but I really didn't feel any different at all. That's because I really was just the same girl as before. Finally having lost this imaginary flower didn't make me physically any different at all.

5. You're going to feel something.

There wasn't some profound emotional release afterward, either, but I did feel a little different. Again, not in the sense that something had actually change, but I felt different because I had placed so much importance on this, on having sex, and now it had happened. I wanted there to be some big release or celebratory moment, but really, I just felt the same. I didn't even feel a little more mature or experienced. I was positive that if I ever did it again, I would still have absolutely no idea what to do (which was true).

Cover Image Credit: Seventeen

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working with special needs Children changed my life

Sometimes people do not take the time to get to know these people. But I did.

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I have never thought about special needs kids before. I have never thought about how their life may be different or may not be the same. To me, these kids were someone that had something wrong with their chromosomes. I had seen them walking around the school and around town. It actually was not till the beginning of my senior year that I finally took a step back and looked at the big picture.

I was in my own little world where everything was perfect. But after stepping back, I realized that it's just as perfect. These kids and adults were so much like you and me.

The summer before my senior year we found out that my little brother had autism. He has Aspbergers Autism. He would have temper tantrums that would make the most patient person cry. Things were hard. But he was still my perfect little brother who I love more than anything in this world. He may have had something different about him but he was still the cutie that would fall asleep in my arms while I held him.

This taught me how to be patient with him and how to work with him. It was hard but I wanted to do it. I would look up how to help him. I researched ways to keep him from hurting himself or hurting others. My senior year of high school I had choir fifth period and our special needs program would come and work with us at the beginning of the class. We would teach them songs and dances. It was so much fun. We got to know these kids individually.

Getting to know those kids individually helped me decide on a career. I want to be a nurse for the children who are misunderstood and no one wants to help them.

I wanna help the parents feel comfortable that their child is with someone who understands them. People do not take the time to actually get to know these kids. They think that they are hopeless and are not worth anything. However, these kids are amazing and unique. They have beautiful hearts. Sometimes they never meet a stranger. Every time someone sees them or talks to them, they instantly have a smile on their face. Seeing them smile has become the best thing in my life.

Take the time to get to know them.

They are just like us.

Cover Image Credit:

https://twitter.com/frankkat1

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