Hurting people, hurt people.

Hurting people, hurt people.

Just because somebody hurt your feelings, doesn't mean that they felt nothing.
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We have all experienced it: pain. We know pain like the dull edge of a knife: it is around us everyday. We are almost always suffering with some sort of pain, whether it is prevalent or not. When we feel pain, we have a desperate urge to unload it, to get rid of it somewhere else. Now, think of a time where you had been suffering. Think about the relief you felt lashing out on somebody, simply because you were suffering, and especially if they were the cause of your suffering. Why do we feel justified when we place our hurt on other people?

Because hurting people, hurt people.

We act thoughtlessly at times. We lash out, we say things we don’t mean, and we take the people we love down in our wake. Most of the time, we don’t mean what we say, but we say it anyways because of the relief that we experience when we say it. We don’t want to hurt each other, but we simply do not know how to let go of our own hurt without projecting it onto others.

A prevalent example of this is when you begin a relationship with somebody new. We are still learning the in’s and out’s of the other person, and it can be tough. Especially when you are piecing back together the remnants of the last person who loved them. When they lash out, be mindful that it is not always reflective of the kind of person they are, but perhaps how they have been treated before. Try to find the root of their suffering before casting judgement. Be patient, and trust the process. Recognize how you have both been hurt, and learn from it.

Along the same lines, are couples who have been together for any amount of time and will experience this too. They get into a vicious cycle of only recognizing the pain that their partner places on them, and not the pain that they cast back. In time, this creates a mutual wounding, and not being able to recognize this dynamic can be detrimental. Rather than taking each other in your wake, consider seeking solutions, rather than harboring resentment.

We are all on a journey, each one of us very different from our peers. Therefore, we will not always be able to understand somebody else's journey. However, even if we do not understand, we can still empathize. That means, when we can recognize that when people lash out at us, it is because they are hurting, not because of the type of person that they are. Take a moment to reflect, and ask somebody; “I can see you are hurting, how can I help you?”. If we all can exhibit kindness when we are faced with adversity, we will see a difference in how others respond.

So, the next time that somebody hurts you, don’t assume it is because of the kind of person they are. Look at the situation from a different point of view, and see that perhaps the person who has been hurting you is only doing so because they have been hurt before. When there are people you just cannot get along with, and they seem to be impossible to reach out to, remember that hurting people hurt people, and by taking ownership, and expressing kindness and love, we can stop the cycle.

Cover Image Credit: http://d1aeh7hxqn8xf9.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/how-jesus-crossed-all-boundaries-in-order-to-reach-a-single-hurting-person-940x629.jpg?7489a8

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Bailey Posted A Racist Tweet, But That Does NOT Mean She Deserves To Be Fat Shamed

As a certified racist, does she deserve to be fat shamed?
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This morning, I was scrolling though my phone, rotating between Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube and Snapchat again, ignoring everyone's snaps but going through all the Snapchat subscription stories before stumbling on a Daily Mail article that piqued my interest. The article was one about a teen, Bailey, who was bullied for her figure, as seen on the snap below and the text exchange between Bailey and her mother, in which she begged for a change of clothes because people were making fun of her and taking pictures.

Like all viral things, quickly after her text pictures and harassing snaps surfaced, people internet stalked her social media. But, after some digging, it was found that Bailey had tweeted some racist remark.

Now, some are saying that because Bailey was clearly racist, she is undeserving of empathy and deserves to be fat-shamed. But does she? All humans, no matter how we try, are prejudiced in one way or another. If you can honestly tell me that you treat everyone with an equal amount of respect after a brief first impression, regardless of the state of their physical hygiene or the words that come out of their mouth, either you're a liar, or you're actually God. Yes, she tweeted some racist stuff. But does that mean that all hate she receives in all aspects of her life are justified?

On the other hand, Bailey was racist. And what comes around goes around. There was one user on Twitter who pointed out that as a racist, Bailey was a bully herself. And, quite honestly, everyone loves the downfall of the bully. The moment the bullies' victims stop cowering from fear and discover that they, too, have claws is the moment when the onlookers turn the tables and start jeering the bully instead. This is the moment the bully completely and utterly breaks, feeling the pain of their victims for the first time, and for the victims, the bully's demise is satisfying to watch.

While we'd all like to believe that the ideal is somewhere in between, in a happy medium where her racism is penalized but she also gets sympathy for being fat shamed, the reality is that the ideal is to be entirely empathetic. Help her through her tough time, with no backlash.

Bullies bully to dominate and to feel powerful. If we tell her that she's undeserving of any good in life because she tweeted some racist stuff, she will feel stifled and insignificant and awful. Maybe she'll also want to make someone else to feel as awful as she did for some random physical characteristic she has. Maybe, we might dehumanize her to the point where we feel that she's undeserving of anything, and she might forget the preciousness of life. Either one of the outcomes is unpleasant and disturbing and will not promote healthy tendencies within a person.

Instead, we should make her feel supported. We all have bad traits about ourselves, but they shouldn't define us. Maybe, through this experience, she'll realize how it feels to be prejudiced against based off physical characteristics. After all, it is our lowest points, our most desperate points in life, that provide us with another perspective to use while evaluating the world and everyone in it.

Cover Image Credit: Twitter / Bailey

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15 Winter Dates For Couples Who'd Rather Snuggle Indoors Than Step Foot Outside

Do I wanna build a snowman? Uhhhh NO!

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Christmas time in New England can get pretty damn cold. I mean, we do have a few warm days, but for the most part, it's cold, windy, and sometimes snowy out. Now, if you're anything like me and you don't like the cold, typical Christmas dates might not be for you, but luckily there's plenty of cute dates that don't involve venturing out in the freezing abyss.

So get your hot chocolate, eggnog, ugly sweaters and festive pajamas ready because here are 15 fun winter dates that don't involve you and your partner leaving the house at all.

1. Ginger bread house competition

2. Classic Christmas movie marathon

3. Hallmark movie marathon

Only because my boyfriend's mom LOVES them.

4. Okay so really just any Christmas movie marathon.

SANTAAAAAA

5. Making Christmas ornaments

6. Paper snowflake making competition

7. Baking and decorating (and eating!) Christmas cookies

8. Dance around to Christmas music

9. Make each other a new stocking

10. Write a letter to Santa

Super silly but super cute.

11. Take cute Christmas pictures

Giphy

Perfect time for those ugly Christmas sweaters or Christmas pajamas.

12. Decorate the Christmas tree

And you know the rest of the inside of the house.

13. Wrap presents together

14. Hang a mistletoe and kiss under it

15. Stay up tracking Santa

Don't forget to leave milk and cookies out for him, and carrots out for the reindeer.

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