BuzzFeed recently broke a story about a 4-year-old girl who got beat up by a boy at school. A hospital worker's response to this was, "I bet he likes you," when he was trying to lighten the mood.
The mom of the girl made a Facebook post with an important message in response. The post included statements like, "As soon as I heard it, I knew that is where it begins. That statement is where the idea that hurting is flirting begins to set a tone for what is acceptable behavior." The mom acknowledged that the man probably didn't think his actions through, and that he "genuinely meant no harm."
The problem is, even though he meant no harm, this mindset is engrained in our society. At a young age, girls are taught that the boys who are mean to them are the ones who like them. They are taught that their Prince Charming won't always be nice, and may be the boy who picks on their outfit or pulls their hair on the playground. At the young age of 4, this girl should have never heard the statement, "I bet he likes you," when she had bruises under her eyes and needed stitches from the hospital.
This is where it starts. Hurting is not flirting, no matter how young or how old. As a child, learning that a boy who beats you up means he likes you will only transform into a more serious cycle of abuse as an adult. Any young girl who is taught to accept violence as a form of love at such a young age is more likely to be involved in a relationship where violence or emotional abuse are accepted.
I'm a college student who has been through plenty of relationships --some harmful and some not. I've seen my friends go through abusive relationships, and it's the hardest thing to ever witness. It is never okay for a woman to come to school with a black eye covered by makeup. It's not acceptable for a woman to have bruises on her face at all from a man.
Yes, this man may not have meant his statement with intent to harm, but the fact that he even thought it was okay to begin with shows the problem with today's culture. As a man in society, abuse should never be how you express love. It shows that that is the first thing people think of when they see violence or abuse toward women -- it means they love you but don't know how to show it. But it doesn't. It means he's mean. It means he is okay with hurting you, and it probably means he will be okay to hurt you next time.
At a young age, we should be enforcing to girls that liking someone means you are nice to them, and that when people are mean to you or use physical violence against you, to tell someone and to speak out, because that will transform young girls into stronger women. Chances are this young girl will forever be traumatized by this experience, and she will probably always subconsciously remember what the hospital employee told her. As a society, we need to change this perception, not reinforce it.
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