#Hurtbae?!

As most of you have heard, or most likely seen, a new viral video has emerged that’s sweeping social media, and of course generating lots of debates.

#Hurtbae depicts two former lovers confronting each other, and bringing closure to their rocky relationship. The woman questions her ex on his past infidelity, and in a completely candid and seemingly unemotional manner, he told her the truth of his actions.

His nonchalant persona rubbed a lot of people, namely women, the wrong way. And I won’t lie, it initially made me mad too. We all saw ourselves in her: Hurt and heartbroken at the knowledge that someone we gave ourselves to, would have the audacity to stab us in the back.

When confronted on just how many times he’s stepped out on her, she had to get up to walk away and gather herself. It was painful to watch, but not as painful as I thought it would be. Maybe this is because I am convinced that this confrontation was needed in order for her to fully close the door. But more on that later.

The video has of course, divided a male and female mentality, with most males finding it stupid and pointless, and most women understanding the pain, me included.

As a woman, we love hard. When you take time to open up to a prospective suitor, get to know them, accept them flaws and all, and build that type of bond that everyone talks about wanting, it is hard to walk away.

I’ve been there. Most women want that one they are with to GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. Bottom line. Some are in these relationships to play the game. And that’s cool, for them. But for those of us that are playing for keeps, we want that guy we’ve invested time and feelings into, to get their shit together.

I saw a lot of derogatory comments, bashing the girl for not leaving when he cheated the first time. And, in some degree, I agree. Not with the bashing, but in the sense that we have a responsibility to ourselves to not accept or excuse shitty behavior. When someone shows you who they are; BELIEVE THEM. Most guys can front for a while but it’s only a matter of time before that representation of who he thought you’d want will drop, and his true self will show.

But I digress. My question is: Why was it her responsibility to leave when he cheated, but not his to stay clear of a serious relationship knowing he had trouble committing? If we’re going to be asking these types of questions, I need an answer to that.

It’s her fault for not leaving, but not his for cheating in the first place. It is my firm, and I do mean firm, belief that if you are not ready to let go of your promiscuous, thotty ways, then you are not ready for a serious monogamous relationship.

And this is not just aimed at guys because females too get into relationships with the intention of still carrying on with their single ways. My thing is, why not just be single?

There are way too many single people out here in the world, ones who want a no-strings-attached type situation for people to get into a relationship with monogamous minded people and potentially damage a good person. It is a vicious cycle that I wish for the life of me was eradicated.

But back to the subject at hand.

I will commend the guy for coming and giving her what a lot of dudes won’t give: Truth. Even if it was not remorseful, he gave her (what I believe) is his truth, even at the expense of her feelings. People were put off by the fact that he didn’t seem sorry for what he did, but personally, I’d rather him not be fake about something he wanted to do.

It doesn’t make his behavior less shitty, and my intention is to not excuse what he did. At the end of the day, his actions were wrong and he hurt a good girl. But what I saw was something that I wish I’d gotten in some of my relationships: closure.

From what I’ve read, she’s moved on and is in another relationship. I truly wish her all the happiness in the world because she deserves it. I also wish for the man’s happiness, and I truly pray he learned something from the whole ordeal.

From every relationship, I feel we should learn not only about the other person, but some truths about self. Watching the video was a reflection of my own hurt past ( and for the ones who are making jokes that now all of sudden every woman has been hurt, yes, more women than you know have been in her position and have not only internalized that pain but have not healed properly), and it was a great educational experience.

I hope we all take some things from it and reflect on what we’ve gone through in our past relationships, and grow.