The Hump Over My Eating Disorder
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

The Hump Over My Eating Disorder

On a full tummy, I felt obligated to go work off all of the things I just ate. Sometimes I even remember crying while pushing myself to run 5 miles

The Hump Over My Eating Disorder
Ana Bohr

This is the first time I have opened up about something that held me down for many years. I want to share my journey because it's something I've overcome. It is something I never thought I would get through in the moment, but finally by the grace of the good Lord, he helped me overcome it all.

When you are in a dark place, and you feel like there is no getting better, that is where you have to have faith and push through like you've never done before. When you feel like you are in a dark tunnel and can't see any light, you have to continue working your way through hoping and knowing in your heart that you will get better, and that you will make it to the other side. In the moment, it feels like there is no getting out. When you get through the hard circumstance in your life, you will look back and see all the freedom you've encountered and the growth you've endured.

Having an eating disorder wasn't easy, in fact it was one of the hardest battles I've overcome. In the moment, I didn't even think I had a problem when it came to the way I viewed my body, and the self-control I had when it came to food. I pictured someone with an eating disorder constantly going to the bathroom after every meal to throw up the food that they had just choked down. I didn't know the "different types" of eating disorders out there, and I had a very legalistic mindset when it came to that. I knew I had a problem, an inner demon that I was facing. I knew that I wanted to be set free in the way I was thinking about myself, but I just didn't know how to get there. I didn't know that I was struggling with an eating disorder.

I became obsessive with wanting to lose weight. I would try every diet I heard and read about. I worked out every day, sometimes even twice a day. I watched what I was eating and decided that rice cakes and tuna was the best low calorie diet. I had crazy self-control; I wouldn't eat a single carb or anything that had sugar in it. After awhile of doing that, my body lacked the nutrients that it needed. I started to crave foods, unhealthy and normal food that my body needed. When I "messed up" and ate something out of the ordinary, like a cookie, I would feel bad about it. I would then choke down 10 more cookies after the first one stuffing my face and feeling miserable. On a full tummy, I felt obligated to go work off all of the things I just ate. Sometimes, I even remember crying while pushing myself to run 5 miles.

Food was constantly on my mind. I dreamt of food, and thought about food as soon as I woke up. In my brain I was secretly counting calories, worrying about what I was going to eat for dinner, and how I could balance it all out after I had "messed up" during the day. I tried "diet pills" that would speed up my metabolism and make me less hungry. I was in this constant cycle, and wouldn't tell anyone about it. I hid it so well, but I was secretly hating myself underneath it all. I just wanted to be normal.

Finally, one night after eating pizza and cake at a party, I felt terrible. I felt that I had really truly messed up. I thought I was going to gain weight and become fat after all that. I was in a constant battle with my mind. I went into a private room away from everyone else and started crying. I cried so hard. I cried to my friend, telling her I needed help. We prayed together. She encouraged me. She pushed me forward.

Everyday was a battle, some days I felt like I was falling back in the same sinkhole. I had to remind myself that a little progress is better than no progress. I started to see myself differently, started to realize that I am worth it, and that I am going to get full freedom from this. I had to keep looking forward, hoping, praying, and pushing myself to eat normal things again. I ditched the "diet pills" and that was the strongest stronghold over my life. I didn't think I could go a day without them.

My life started to slowly go uphill. With God at the center, I was finally able to gain full freedom. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't face the challenges that I had to work through. Pain isn't always a bad thing. It's only bad if you can't fully get through it and gain full freedom. I now look at my life and know that one day, I will be able to mentor girls who struggle with body image, and help push them forward in their true identity. God can take any broken thing in your life and turn it into something beautiful. Don't lose hope.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

With no sign of the pandemic going anywhere, brides and grooms who planned to be married in 2020 are forced to opt for plan B — if not plan C or D. While some are downsizing their in-person weddings to meet coronavirus guidelines and state restrictions, others are choosing to cancel theirs until further notice and some, well, they're embracing the virtual "I do."

A few weekends ago, I had the pleasure of attending a Zoom wedding for my friend and fellow editor and writer, Kristin Magaldi, and the short-but-sweet ceremony left me in happy tears (surprise surprise). In order to get the scoop on what exactly went into planning a virtual wedding, I asked Kristin to share her best tips so other couples know exactly how to have a Zoom wedding in case they're looking to lean into the video chat vows, too.

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Risen Wang on Unsplash

Maybe it was the quarantine months that sent you on a quest to finally find a workout routine that works for you, or maybe it was the lack of routine in the world that inspired you to change your habits or -for some- keep them and make an effort to maintain your health. If gyms were not already evolving with the new needs of the 21st-century gymgoer, they are undoubtedly evolving now with the lifestyle mindset that Covid-19 has left many of us with — a desire for a plan for a positive change seeing that tomorrow is not guaranteed.

The experience that an individual gets out of going to the gym should feel worth their time, energy, and should meet their specific fitness journey goals. If you do not already have a reason to go to the gym, here are ten genius effective implementations that will inspire even the couch-iest potato.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Characters From Your Childhood That Combated The Mental Health Stigma

We deserve to see people like us on the big screen just as much as you do.

Perks of Being a Wallflower

Growing up with a neurodevelopment disorder and mental illness, it's easy to feel isolated from the rest of the world. It is not common to look around and see someone that experiences situations similar to the ones you endure. Even if you do come across a person that is also perceived to be "different" in the eyes of society, the negative connotations instilled in everyday life are quick to silence your voice and knock you down before you have a chance to realize that who you are is more than okay--it's normal. This is a big reason why anything that brings understanding and shines a light on what people with neurodevelopment disorders and mental illness go through on a regular basis comes around a sense of relief and happiness fills the body.

In light of this, I went on a hunt to find characters in television and cinema that accurately portray the complexities of developmental disorders and mental health.

Keep Reading... Show less

Epic Activewear Deals Every Leggings-Lover Needs To Know About From Nordstrom's Biggest Sale

Wearing my pleather Alo leggings till someone physically removes them from my body.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not an athletic person, at all. Since junior high school, I've been happily cheering my friends on at their football games and soccer matches from the sidelines as long as I could go home to my yoga mat and spend Sunday mornings at Pilates with my mom's friends.

Weekends are often spent in my casual wear, from the second I throw them on for morning meditation through running errands and evening walks. No, I won't be running a marathon or joining my friend's volleyball league anytime soon.

Keep Reading... Show less

Luxury Fashion Buys Your Bank Account Couldn’t Justify Till This Year’s Nordstrom Anniversary Sale

In case you needed another reason to get the Prada sunnies you've been eyeing all year.

Since I can remember first flipping through my older cousin's fashion magazines as an 8-year-old, I've always had several luxury items on my wish list of items I knew I'd never have, but loved to fantasize about.

As I grew into financial independence later in life, the list grew longer, but the ways in which I could toy with my grocery or travel budget for a month to make room for something I really wanted made the items on it more attainable. Even then, I will (virtually) visit an item online several times in the span of a year to test if I still like it months after eyeing it, and to see if by any chance it may have gone on sale.

Keep Reading... Show less

10 Curvy Women Of Color On Instagram Who Inspired Us All To Take More Confident Lingerie Selfies

Learn to embrace your body and stop comparing yourself to the "beauty" standard with the help of these beautiful models and bloggers.

It's not every day that you scroll on your timeline and see a body that resembles your own. With a beauty standard that has conditioned the minds of society to exclaim confidence!

When a fuller figure posts on social media — as if it's an extreme act of bravery to show yourself off if you're not under a size 6 — it's about time we take back our power and learn that we are enough just the way we are.

Keep Reading... Show less

First and foremost, shame on you for encouraging the patriarchy and sexism as you police a female's clothing choices. You cannot control our bodies, but what you can advocate for is public health and safety. This includes demoralizing rape, slut-shaming, and protecting society from illness.

Keep Reading... Show less

Picture this, we're settling into our date, the conversation is flowing, we're ordering drinks, laughing, and then it happens... the job convo.

Him: "So what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a dating and relationships editor."

Keep Reading... Show less

TikTok was banned by the president, but Instagram is here with its newest feature called Reel. Many of us are still wondering why TikTok was being banned in the first place. Was it all the dangerous TikTok trends? It was because of a security concern, but not in the way you might think.

TikTok is owned by Dancebyte, which is a China-owned company. Basically, just like any other app, TikTok collects the user's data. The main question to ask yourself when investing in any app or marketing tools who will be owning my data? So yes, China currently owns all the TikTok user's data worldwide.

Keep Reading... Show less

- I have extremely sensitive skin, which is why I have always resorted to a plant-based organic beauty line such as Radha Beauty.

- Radha Beauty won me over years ago when I was looking for organic skincare brands.

- I was so excited to see they launched a new line incorporating USDA organic rosehip oil, so when their PR team sent me some, I could not have been more thrilled.

- After a week of using the products, my face felt as smooth as a baby's, looked more glowy than ever, and even cured some of my summer sunburn.

Radha Beauty isn't just a best-selling beauty brand on Amazon — it's a USDA-certified organic beauty brand I live by, and anyone who knows me knows I am all about holistic wellness.

Typically, it only takes three days for me to tell if a skin product is working or not because I have extremely sensitive skin. It's also why I have always stuck by plant-based organic beauty lines such as Radha Beauty.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments