I'm one of those girls who, on every online personality quiz who checks both the "I consider myself to be an introvert" and the "I consider myself to be an extrovert" boxes. Some people may assume that identifying as both an introvert and an extrovert is contradictory, but it isn't; my personality has some aspects from both categories. For example, I am outgoing and enjoy interpersonal interactions, but I also value quality time to myself, and, for the majority of my time, I realize I isolate myself from people unintentionally. The truth is, I want to have friends, I think I know how to make friends, but I don't have a group of friends.
I have some acquaintances, but most of them are males. You may be rolling your eyes, thinking I'm ridiculous for not considering them to be my friends, but it really is problematic. Can girls and guys really just be friends? Some might say yes, and theoretically, yes, they can be. But, it really isn't that simple. Sometimes, when you're a girl and a guy seems to want to be your friend, his intentions seem amicable and platonic, but a few months later, he reveals he has feelings for you, which is fine until his attitude towards you changes when you reject his advances. It's disheartening and kind of insulting when this becomes a pattern. After all, most of us consider ourselves to be someone worth pursuing a friendship with because we have more to offer than just our body and flirtations.
That's where my dilemma comes in; I want to make more girlfriends. Being a girl myself, I understand that there is a certain level of relatability and understanding within an exclusively female friendship that isn't the same in other friendships.
For the longest time, I had convinced myself that I was perfectly fine with not having that close relationship with another girl, but I've begun to realize that I was in denial. I always expected people to just walk up to me, strike up a conversation, and then suddenly become my friends, but it isn't always that effortless. I'm slowly understanding and accepting that if I want to make friends, I am going to have to put in the effort. I can't always just expect people to radiate towards me. Maybe that means I will (reluctantly) get out of the comfort of my bed, go to that club meeting, actively engage in conversations with other girls in my classes, stop making my love life my entire life and start distributing yellow roses rather than red ones.
I used to make excuses, pretending I didn't have time for friends, but if I really want them, I need to stop complaining and make time.
I am a college student. I have a part-time job. I am bubbly, loyal, encouraging, and have a great sense of humor. I can roll my uvula and have an eclectic taste in music. I am now accepting applications for new girlfriends.