Growing up in my middle school, there were only two kinds of people, the ones who were extroverted and moved in groups together, or the ones who sat in isolation who rarely ever spoke any words. I was a part of the extroverted, "cool kids." I'm cringing as I'm typing this because looking back at it, we were stuck up a**holes rather than cool. I was a tomboy and so not only was I tight with the girls, but the guys loved me too. When it came to popularity, middle school was probably my peaking point, pre-boobed Neha, before the guys got scared of me.

My future best friend was the type who wasn't a part of this group, and honestly she wasn't missing out on much, other than the fact we talked so much behind her back, but she wasn't the only one. She was just one of the isolated ones who kept to themselves which simply didn't fit our group's criteria, we have to be the center of attention, always. We would try to avoid people like her. She never did anything wrong, it was just an unwritten rule in this toxic group. This rule was embedded in me and I continued to see her as lesser than us. Little did I know that what I was doing was disgusting.

It was eighth grade and some of my friends had drifted apart. But I knew that I eventually had to say goodbye to the ones that I still had. The thought of this was terrifying to me. The transition into high school, being stuck with the ones that we excluded from the group, being forced to be around them was something I was not looking forward to. I begged my parents to let me to go the same high schools as my friends that were leaving, but they didn't budge.

I realized that I needed to find new friends before I was left with no one. I decided to become friends with Emily, the girl I made fun of all throughout middle school. We often had to sit next to each other because of our last names being towards the end of the alphabet. I never really spoke to her, but once I got to know her she was not nearly as bad as my friends had told me. They never spoke to her so how could they know?

Emily was indeed very different from me, but we found some similarities. She was very quiet, but once someone talked to her, she didn't mind opening up. She was very open-minded and was extremely smart, like super smart. She was very gentle and kind, but wasn't as naive as my friends had portrayed her to be. My friends were very confused by Emily and I's budding friendship and soon enough I was socially unaccepted in the group that I was in, and I didn't mind.

Emily and I became closer and our friendship became eye-opening to me, I couldn't believe what I was missing out on all these years. I learned what it was like to have a real friend. We actually had intellectual conversations and I felt like I found a person who I could trust and we didn't have to have the same exact views on everything and it was completely OK. It was so nice to be my own self and not have to blend in with the crowd in order to be accepted she made me feel comfortable. Sure gossip is entertaining, but it felt good not having that be the only topic of discussion. Emily and I bounced thoughts off of each other so well, she was the Yin to my Yang.

We survived high school with each other and have seen each other at our best and our worst, and continue to be support systems for one another throughout college. She is fully aware of my past and how I treated her before we became friends. I regret doing that to her deeply, she's hands down the best thing to have ever happened to me. She understands me like no one else does, and I would do anything to make our friendship last a lifetime.

Thank so much Emily for always being there for me, and I'm so sorry for being such a b**ch to you growing up, even if you didn't notice. Love you.