We can’t scroll through any social media platform anymore without being exposed to whatever controversial concept is being talked about at that moment. For many people, it’s just an irritating nuisance, and for others (admittedly including myself), it’s a lure into a battlefield. We’re currently seeing a constant battle represented by tags such as #LiberalismIsAMentalDisorder, #NoRacistsAllowed, #FactsDontCareAboutYourFeelings, ect which are meant to attack anyone that fits an assumed ideology as if these tags actually were significant or accurate. It seems that everyone is losing sight of the actual goal we all share… to find the truth.

I questioned why we’re so divided, why we’re having such a hard time being decent to each other, why we say the things we do, why we develop opinions and evidence for those opinions the way we do, and how we can find the real truth out of all of this chaos. My interest in how we interact with our opinions was initially triggered by my own mistakes and regrets I’ve gained in my experience taking part in online debates. I’ve had good and bad experiences in discussing controversial topics with others, but I’ve recently been having more bad instances than good. In this this three part article series, I hope to find a resolution to the problem that I share with a lot of other educated and opinionated individuals. My goal is to do this through three parts: I. the value of an opinion, II. why the current expression of opinions is bad for our health, and III. how we should be expressing our opinions.

Part II: How We Should Be Expressing Our Opinions

I try my best to stay open-minded in many aspects of my life, however I can become extremely emotionally involved in my opinions in specific subjects. This can significantly affect me when I am caught up in a debate or conversation which then leads me to feel guilty after the argument has ended. I find myself getting frustrated not only with those that try to dispute the evidence I supply, but also with myself for responding to knowingly biased or stubborn individuals and mostly for also being just as biased and stubborn myself.

Recently, I hit a wave of wanting to constantly argue with those that have differing opinions than my own. This wave came over me especially strong after the Parkland shooting. I was so emotionally involved that I took healthy conversation to a level of unhealthy arguing not only with people online I didn’t know, but also with people I did know on Facebook where my coworkers, family, friends, and even past employers could see. I realized how incredibly embarrassing and humiliating it was to be seen by everyone I know acting so immature; getting worked up over something I can’t change with people who were less educated than me, but just as stubborn on the internet.

There have also been many times after I get into heated arguments on Twitter that I ask myself why I feel the need to argue with strangers on the internet. How do I know I’m right if I act just as impulsive and just as intolerant as these other people? Was I really any better than the people that called me names for even continuing to take part in conversation with them? Was I trying to make myself seem superior to them? Why?

Did I really have that sad of a life to where I spent my free time arguing with people I didn't know online?

I actually deleted all of my social media apps off of my phone because I had become so upset with myself for becoming not only an annoying user, but also for becoming an incredible hypocrite. I was calling out people for simply seeking out arguments to fill whatever void they have in their lives when I was practically doing the same thing. It's embarrassing when you look back especially when you take to confronting a closed-minded kid from high school where almost everyone is devoted to one way of thinking because it favors them.

It’s also hard to accept that we are emotionally involved in our opinions when a currently popular counterargument is "facts don't care about your feelings" (even though facts are our feelings). Facts do have a large amount of value because they do provide indisputable, unbiased evidence, except currently, no fact is unbiased and everything can be disputable (thanks to confirmation bias). We like to think we’re right and above others, but we are just as right as anyone else with an opinion thinks they are.

After reading more about the topic of forming opinions and why we get so involved in them, I’ve come to realize that I personally really needed to work on my thought processes. The cognitions I’ve been having have lead me to close off any alternative information and to attack those who clearly aren’t willing to conversate properly.

I had become just as bad as the people I was arguing against.

After deleting the social media apps on my phone, I not only felt as if I had a lot more free time, but I also felt a lot less stressed. I wasn’t being bombarded by outrageous posts and depressing news reports. Deleting the apps prevented me from getting roped into any unhealthy conversation while I tried to fix my way of thinking. It was the only way I could stop myself from getting caught into an embarrassed, frustrated, grumpy mood.

My time off from social media has allowed me to recollect and reevaulate myself. I’ve began acknowledging that my initial opinions are just as valid as any other opinion, and that the only way to get close to the ‘correct’ opinion is to fully try to understand the perspective of another person. I’ve tried my best to stay educated on topics from reliable sources as well as branching out to other sources supplied by those who differ in opinions than I do.

I still struggle with this.

It’s not easy to remain calm and introspective when everyday there seems to be a new news story on children being murdered in their schools or families being ripped apart because of a piece of paper. It’s frustrating knowing that all of these terrible things are happening around us and we can’t seem to progress beyond what we’ve done in the past. Or even when we begin to progress, we end up right back where we started.

From my experience, I think everyone should start becoming more healthy by cutting themselves off from social media just a little bit. Unfollow accounts or feeds that might trigger any kind of aggressive initial response and try to focus more on learning. We should be reminding ourselves during that break that the correct opinion depends on the person. We need to acknowledge that the only way to uncover the truth, and therefore the correct opinion, is to consider all opinions regarding that topic.

We should be fact based, but we shouldn’t ignore our feelings. Emotions are a valid reason to delegitimize anyone’s argument. Keep in mind that we can find reason behind anything we want to. It’s the concepts behind the reason that are important. It’s also okay to advocate for our opinion once we’re sure we’ve found the best one. It’s not okay to use that opinion in a way that attempts to make anyone feel inferior because they do not share the same opinion.

We need to remember that the best way to convince someone to consider your opinion is by approaching them with kindness and understanding. Attacking them, name calling, responding with sarcasm; none of this works and it will only frustrate everyone. It's not only an unhealthy and immature way to conversate, but it only reassures the other individual that they are superior or correct.

If we think someone is incorrect, we should respond with something like "I don't think that's correct, but it sounds interesting" or you could simply supply counteracting evidence if the individual is more of a 'facts not feelings' person. It's important that we avoid heated arguments, but it's also important that we use our freedom of speech to educate each other.

We are flawed creatures.

Not everything we are going to do is going to be right. We should be working together and using eachothers perspectives to establish a healthy standing point from where we can form well-rounded opinions. We need to embrace diversity and accept the fact that people think differently than us.

There are somethings we can’t change and there are many more things we can work together to achieve. If we want change to happen, we need to approach others with kindness and acceptance because no one wants to listen to someone that aggressively attacks them.